Punches Jokes

Santa and Banta are at work, digging a hole. Banta asks Santa other, "Why is that guy up there sitting under the tree while we do all the work?"
Santa said that he doesn't know, so he goes up and asks him why.
The guy under the tree says, "Because I have intelligence."
Santa says, "What's that?"
So the guy under the tree stands up and says, "Punch me as hard as you can."
Santa winds up and punches him, but the intelligent guy moves away and the digger punches the tree. His hand is now killing him.
Santa says, "Oh, I think I know what it is now."
He goes back down to Banta.
Banta asks, "So why are we doing all the work?"
Santa replies, "Because he has intelligence."
Banta says, "What's that."
Santa looks around for a tree, but doesn't see one, so he puts his hand in front of his face and says, "Punch my hand as hard as you can."

A man is sitting in a bar far from home when Bill Clinton comes on TV. The man looks at the TV and says, "Clinton is a horse's ass."
Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking the first guy off his barstool, then stomps out.
He gets back up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer. Shortly after, Hillary Clinton appears on the TV. He looks at the TV and says, "She is a horse's ass too!"
Out of nowhere, another local punches him in the other side of the face, knocking him off his barstool again.
He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Clinton country?"
"Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country."

Every Chad down in Chadville liked voting a lot.
But the Grinch, from North Chadville, most certainly did not!
The Grinch hated voting! He thought it a bore.
Now, please don't ask why. Could be Bush, could be Gore.
It could be his heart bled with liberal mush.
It could be, perhaps, that he listened to Rush.
But I think the real reason his trust was so shattered
Was the great Grinchy view that his vote never mattered.
Whatever the reason, Lack of trust, lack of goals,
The Grinch dreaded that day when Chads went to the polls.
He just hated those speeches and negative ads,
And when push came to shove, he just hated the Chads.
He just hated their theme parks, their football-team rooters,
He just hated their gun laws, their barmaids at Hooters.
He just hated their weather, even hated their hate.
And he hated that they were a battleground state.
"So they're making their choices," he snarled with a more...

A man is sitting at home one evening when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach is standing there. The cockroach immediately punches him between the eyes and scampers off.
The next evening, the man is sitting at home when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, the cockroach is there again. This time, it punches him, kicks him and karate chops him before running away.
The third evening, the man is sitting at home when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, the cockroach is there yet again. It leaps at him and stabs him several times before making off. The gravely injured man manages to crawl to the telephone and summon an ambulance. He is rushed to intensive care and they save his life.
The next morning, the doctor is doing his rounds. He asks our hero what happened, so the man explains about the 6 foot cockroach's attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing. The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Yes, there is a more...

A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a chinese man and punches him in the face. "Owch!" the chinese man says. "What was that for?" "That was for Pearl Harbor," the Jewish man says. "But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" And the jewish man sits back down. Then, the chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face. "Ouch!" the Jewish man says. "What was that for?" "That was for the Titanic," the chinese man says. "But that was an iceberg!" "Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"