Pussy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A bloke goes into a pub.
The barmaid asks what he wants.
'I want to put my head between your tits, and lick the sweat off,' he replies.
'You dirty bastard!' shouts the barmaid, 'Get out before I get my husband.'
The bloke apologizes and says he will never do it again.
The barmaid, disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he wants again.
'I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese between your arse cheeks and lick it off,' he replies.
'What???' screams the barmaid, 'That's it! You're barred, you dirty, filthy, perverted bastard, get out now.'
Once again the bloke apologizes, and says he will never, ever do it again.
'Right. I'll give you one last chance,' says the barmaid. 'Now, what do you want?'
'I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness and drink it all out of you.'
The barmaid starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who is sitting down watching the telly.
'What's up, love?' says the more...

How come Mans eat crawfish but not pussy? Because the pussy have hair and the crawfish don't.

A man walked into a pub with an Ostrich and a Pussy Cat. He walked up the the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat". They found a table, sat down and drank their drinks.
Next it was the ostrichs round. He walked up to the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat". He took the drinks back to the table and they drank them.
When it was the Cat's turn to buy, he told them to "Fuck off!"
So the man went back to the bar and said "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich and whisky for the cat".
The Barman was curious about this and said "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why is this?".
The man replied, "I helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish".
"What did you wish for?" said the Barman.
"I wished for a long legged bird with a more...

Banana ( Dick ):Knock Knock
Orange ( Pussy ):Who's there?
Orange ( Pussy ):Banana ( Dick ) who?
Banana ( Dick ):The dick wantta enter the pussy

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and sees that the bartender is a woman, a good looking woman. He calls her over and says, "I want to Fuck your brains out." The woman gasps in disgust. "You better watch your mouth. My boyfriend is a huge marine and when he hears THIS, he's gonna rip your head off." The guy apoligized, "I'm sorry, I just lost my mind, that won't happen again. If you could get me a drink I'll probably be a lot better."
So, the woman gets him a drink. He downs it and says to her, "I want to lick your body from head to toe."
"I already told you once," said the woman, "my boyfriend will rip you to shreds if he knew you said that."
So the guy apoligizes again, "I... I'm really sorry I just can't seem to get control of my hormones. Maybe another drink will do me good."
Once again the woman gets him a drink. Once again he downs it in no time. Well, about this time a huge guy walks in, the more...

FATHER: son i think we need to talk about sex
SON: i know about it already!
FATHER: you do! so what is it then?
SON: where the pelican drops you off at the doorstep in a blanket
FATHER: no son thats wrong
SON: what is it then?
FATHER: well i will demonstrate!
FATHER: ill get yor mum! OH! STEPH OH! STEPH
SON: what are you doin daddy
FATHER: uh! uh! uh! fuckin hell uh! steph you have such a tight pussy!
SON: what does fuckin hell mean and what is a tight pussy!
FATHER: come over here and ill show you! steph prepare!
SON: now wot!
FATHER: put it in!
SON: what in!
FATHER: your penis!
SON: whats a penis?
FATHER:oh my god! i told you! or did i?
STEPH: how about we solve it with a 3some!
FATHER, SON, STEPH: uh! ooooh! uh! aaah!
THE END

Q: what do you call two lesbians floating down a river
A: Fur Traders
Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.
Q: Whats the difference between a lesbian driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A: When u are eating pussy you can still see the asshole in front of you!
Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A: "I'll see you next month."
Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, two to organize the potluck and one to write a folk song about the empowering experience
Q: Why don't fem lesbians go on dates?
A: Because it's hard to eat Jenny Craig when you've got Mary Kay on your face.
Q: Have you heard about the new lesbian tennis shoe called "Dyke"?
A: It has an extra long tongue and it only takes one finger to get it off!
Q: Have you heard about the new lesbian style of running shoe: the more...