Quiet Jokes / Recent Jokes

fter all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists for the CIA assasin position - two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her." The first man said. "You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent replies, "Then you’re not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can’t kill my wife." The agent replies "You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun more...

After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists for the CIA assasin position - two men and one woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."
The first man said. "You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent replies, "Then you’re not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room.
All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can’t kill my wife."
The agent replies "You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was more...

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."

The first man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the more...

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?"
The man says, "Methodist."
St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"
"Baptist."
"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
"Jewish."
"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"
St. Peter tells him, "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, polite, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the parrot by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, 'QUIT IT!'. This just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says 'OK for you' and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches. When the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes and uses words Lenny Bruce and George Carlin NEVER thought about trying to use in their acts. Then more...

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol.
He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns
him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it
gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells,
"QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad
and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird
and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a
stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few
seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets
very more...