Quit Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit." She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex." He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he had never. Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's your excuse then?"
Johnny, a very bright 5 year old, told his daddy he'd like to have a baby brother and, along with his request, offered to do whatever he could to help. His dad, a very bright 35 year old, paused for a moment and then replied, " I'll tell you what, Johnny, if you pray every day for two months for a baby brother, I guarantee that God will give you one!" Johnny responded eagerly to his dad's challenge and went to his bedroom early that night to start praying for a baby brother. He prayed every night for a whole month, but after that time, he began to get skeptical. He checked around the neighborhood and found out that what he thought was going to happen, had never occurred in the history of the neighborhood. You just don't pray for two months and then, whammo- a new baby brother. So, Johnny quit praying. After another month, Johnny's mother went to the hospital. When she came back home, Johnny's parents called him into the bedroom. He cautiously walked into the room, not more...
A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice. The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your
house, take your money, go to Vegas." The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice.
The next day when he gets home from work, the same thing happens. The voice tells him, "Quit your
job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Again the man ignores the voice, though he is
very troubled by the event.
Every day, day after day, the man hears the same voice when he gets home from work, "Quit your job,
sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Each time the man hears the voice he becomes
increasingly upset. Finally, after two weeks, he succumbs to the pressure. He does quit his job,
sells his house, takes his money and heads to Vegas.
The moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrahs." So, he hops in
a cab and rushes over to Harrahs. As more...
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?", asks the cop.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"
A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, "But why?" he asked." Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly." Look, I'll give you a raise." "No," she said"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me." "Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off herunderwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha... my dear it's nature. Look I have it too...." "Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."
If quitters never win,
and winners never quit,
who made up the saying?
Quit while you're ahead!