Quit Jokes / Recent Jokes
As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called his newly hired red-headed assistant into his office. "Do youknow what time we quit around here? " he asked." Sure! " the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody knocks on the door."
Two Guys are getting charged with drug dealing. In court the Judge tells both of em, "I will give you two the weekend to go out there and convince as much people as you can to quit drugs forever. The Two Men go "Ok" They come back on Monday and the first drug dealer goes "This weekend I got 10 people to quit drugs forever. The Judge Replies "How did you do that?" He Goes "I drew a small circle and a big circle, and i pointed to the small circle and said this is your brain on drugs"....Then the second drug dealer goes "Oh yeah, This weekend I got 100 people to quit drugs forever". The Judge says surprised. "Holy shit how did you do that?"..The second drug dealer goes..."I did the same thing, I drew a big circle and a small circle but I pointed to the small circle and said this is your asshole before prison.
As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive called his newly hired red-headed assistant into his office. "Do youknow what time we quit around here ?" he asked."Sure !" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody knocks on the door."
MURPHY`S LAWS ON WORK A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. Don`t be irreplaceable, if you can`t be replaced, you can`t be promoted. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. If at first you don`t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office. Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many. Keep your boss`s boss off your boss`s back. This is what I`m doing more...
1. The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
2. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
3. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
4. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
6. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
7. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
8. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
9. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
10. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool more...
PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"
MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY'S MOTHER: "I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"
MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"
HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"
COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You still could have written!"
BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, how many times have I told you -- quit playing ball in the house! That's the third broken window this week!"
MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that more...