Quotas Jokes / Recent Jokes

Man`s Best Friend
"Let me give you a little serious political advice. One single word. Puppies. Worth the points." -George Bush Sr., in 1990
"If the terriers and bariffs are torn down, this economy will grow." -George W. Bush, in Jan. 2000
Political Savvy
"It`s no exaggeration to say the undecideds could go one way or another." -George Bush Sr., in 1988
"Listen, Al Gore is a very tough opponent. He is the incumbent. He represents the incumbency. And a challenger is somebody who generally comes from the pack and wins, if you`re going to win. And that`s where I`m coming from." -George W. Bush, in Sept. 2000
Freudian Slips
"For seven and a half years I`ve worked alongside President Reagan. We`ve had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We`ve had some sex... uh... setbacks." -George Bush Sr., in 1988
"It was just inebriating what Midland was all about then." -George W. Bush, reflecting in 1994 more...

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the challan, huh?"
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to cut as many challans as we want."
"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll cut another challan of yours."
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.""If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.""Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.""So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?""Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.""The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?""Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop.""Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.""Just how big were those two beers?""No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but more...

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.""If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.""So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?""Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?""Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.""The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?""Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.""Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid.""In God we trust, all others are suspects.""No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.""Just how big more...

The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "Just how big were those two beers? "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "In God we trust, all more...

The following are quotes made by real police officers:
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them a while."
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"No, sir, we don't have quotas any more. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"Life's tough; it's tougher if you're stupid."
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1, 200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir, we more...