Redneck Jokes / Recent Jokes
Soon after the Texas Aggie clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. When the Aggie returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if he had received bad news.
"Shure was, Boss" he replied, "I just found out that my mother died earlier this morning.
"Gosh, that's awful," replied the foreman "Do you want the rest of the day off?"
"No," replied the Aggie. "I'll finish the day out."
About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him up front. This time when the Aggie returned he looked twice as glum and the foreman asked if everything was alright.
"Jezz, Boss this has to be the worst day of my life," Moaned the Aggie.
"That was my brother, and his mother died today too!"
The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M.
The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu".
The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:
Slowly across the desert sand Trekked the dusty caravan. Men on camels, two by two Destination-Timbuktu.
The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?! The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
Tim and me, a-huntin' went. Met three whores in a pop-up tent. They was three, we was two, So I bucked one and Timbuktu.
You might be a redneck if you ask your neighbor for a cup of sugar and then ask to borrow a cup to put it in.
You might be a redneck if...
You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
Things Never Said By a Redneck...
1. Wrasslin's fake.
2. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
3. We're vegetarians.
4. Do you think my gut is too big?
5. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
6. Honey, we don't need another dog.
7. Who's Richard Petty?
8. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
9. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
10. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
Question: What is the redneck definition of sexual maturity?
Answer: An eight year old girl who can run faster than her brothers.