Reducing Jokes

More than 32 Million Americans Could Benefit
MIAMI, FL, March 31 -- Burger King Corporation today announced the launch of the new Left Handed WHOPPER, which will become available nationwide tomorrow. America's most preferred premium hamburger will feature the trademark build of lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, mayonnaise, ketchup and 4-ounce flame broiled hamburger patty, but the newly designed sandwich has been re-engineered to fit more comfortably in the left hand, thereby reducing condiment "spills" for left-handed hamburger lovers. It is estimated that more than 1. 4 million left-handed customers visit U. S. Burger King restaurants each day.
The new left-handed sandwich will have all condiments rotated 180 degrees, thereby redistributing the weight of the sandwich so that the bulk of the condiments will skew to the left, thereby reducing the amount of lettuce and other toppings from spilling out the right side of the burger.
"We have always been more...

A tearful woman phoned a reducing salon to wail that her husband had just given her a lovely present and she couldn't get into it. The operator gave her an appointment and added, "Don't worry, madam, we'll have you wearing that dress in no time."
"Dress?" the matron sobbed. "It's a Porsche!"

I just read in UPI that an audit commission has found that it actually takes six (British) National Health Service employees to change a hospital lightbulb!
It's true! The Daily Mail reported that it's a "sick joke" of a process for each lightbulb requires 17 separate administrative procedures, from ordering bulbs to a worker reporting a burnt-out lamp to the recording of the fact that a new bulb is in place and working.
The audit commission was looking into ways of reducing NHS costs by reducing time wasted by employees on administrative nonsense, so that more of the limited supply of pounds could be used for actual patient care.