Retire Jokes / Recent Jokes

> We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married,
> have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old
> enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated
> that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they
> are out of that stage.
>
> We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets
> his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice
> vacation, when we retire.
>
>The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If
> not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best
> to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
>
> One of my favourite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, "For a
> long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.
>
> But there was always some obstacle in the more...

Memo - Subject: Retire Aged Personnel Early As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for the Department areas, we are forced to cut our number of personnel. Under the new plan, older employees will be asked to accept early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed in effect immediately. The program will be known as R. A. P. E. (Retire Aged Personnel Early). Employees who are R. A. P. E. D. will be given the opportunity to look for other employment outside the company. Provided they are being R. A. P. E. D., they can request a review of the employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation will be called S. C. R. E. W. (Survey of Capabilities of retired Early Workers). All employees who have been R. A. P. E. D. or S. C. R. E. W. E. D. may file an appeal with upper management. more...

I could retire nicely if I could sell my experience for what it cost me.

Bob Gibson, known for his sarcastic wit, caught teammate Curt Flood off guard with a rare compliment as Gibson watched him take batting practice."Way to hit the ball, roomie. If I could hit the ball that way, I'd take off my toeplate and retire from pitching," Gibson said.Flood smiled."In fact, roomie,'' Gibson continued, "If I hit the way you do, I think I'd also retire from baseball."

Retire Aged Personell EarlyTO ALL MCCCD EMPLOYEESFROM GOVERNING BOREDDATE 22 APR 19861. As a result of the HAYZE mismanagement study, we mustdrastically cut most salaries and reduce our number of personnel.Under this plan, older employees will go on early retirement, thus permitting management to focus its abuse on youngeremployees who represent our future.2. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by theend of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placedinto effect immediately. The program will be known as RAPE(Retire Aged Personnel Early). Employees who are RAPED will begiven the opportunity to work other jobs within the system atgreatly reduced pay. This phase of the reduction program iscalled SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).3. All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may applyfor a new re- employment eligibility service. This service willbe called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority FollowingTermination). Current regulations state that more...

This weekend, tennis great Andre Agassi revealed that following the U.S. Open, he will retire. The announcement surprised tennis fans, who thought he already had.

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for the Department areas, we are forced to cut our number of personnel.Under the new plan, older employees will be asked to accept early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans.Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed in effect immediately. The program will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retire Aged Personnel Early).Employees who are R.A.P.E.D. will be given the opportunity to look for other employment outside the company. Provided they are being R.A.P.E.D., they can request a review of the employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of retired Early Workers).All employees who have been R.A.P.E.D. or S.C.R.E.W.E.D. may file an appeal with upper management. This will be called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following more...