Rifle Jokes / Recent Jokes

A businessman was attending a Conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of Golf. He asked whether there was any course in thevicinity and was directed to one in the jungle.

After a short journey, he arrived at the Course and advised the Pro that he wanted to play 18 holes.

“Sure, ” said the Pro, “What’s your Handicap? ”

“Well, it’s 16, ” said the Businessman, “But I don’t see the relevance since I shall be playing alone. ”

“No, it’s very important for us to know, ” said the Pro. The Pro then called a Caddy.

“Go out with this Gentleman, ” said the Pro, “his handicap is 16. ”

The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. However, he paid it no more attention. The Caddy picked up the businessman’s bag and a large Rifle which he slung over his shoulder. Again the businessman was surprised but decided to ask no more...

This bloke goes bear hunting with a .22 rifle, a .303 & an elephant gun. He comes to the edge of this clearing and spots a bear. He aims his .22 rifle at the bears head, bang, then races over, looks around, no bear. Suddenly he gets a tap on the shoulder, looks around, 15 foot of grizzly standing there. Bear says 'You must be a sandwich short of a picnic. A .22 rifle and 15 foot of grizzly. I'll tell you what, you've got two choices. Either I crush you to death or you can drop your strides, bend over that rock and I'll give you one'
The hunter replies ' I suppose it's got to be over the rock then'
After the bears had him he walks back to his car, when he gets there he thinks I'll go back with the .303 rifle this time and have him. He gets back to the clearing, the bears there. He takes aim, bang, races over, looks around, no bear. Suddenly, a tap on his shoulder, he looks around, 15 foot of grizzly again. The bear says ' You must be stupid or something. You've got two choices more...

One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.
At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.
The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.
The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.
The end of his finger was blown off -- whereupon he yelled toward the target area...
"It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!"

One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.
At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.
The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.
The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.
The end of his finger was blown off - whereupon he yelled toward the target area...
"It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!"

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both his legs.
That was the good news.
The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move.
"Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish... Please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"
That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet.
"Dear God" the bear said, "Bless this food I am about to receive..."

One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.The end of his finger was blown off - whereupon he yelled toward the target area..."It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!"

Application to Live in KentuckyName:__________________________ Nickname:_________________________________CB Handle Model:_____________________ Color:______________Address (RFD No.):_________________-_____________________________________Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects):______________________________________Mamma:_________________________Neck Shade: _____Light Red _____Medium Red _____Dark RedNumber of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_____ Lower_____Name of Pickup owned:_______________ Height of Truck__________Truck equipped with:____Gun Rack ____4-Wheel Drive ____Confederate Flag____8-Track Cassettes ____Load of Wood ____Hijacker Shocks____Radar Detector ____Mag Wheels ____Dual CB Antennas____Spittoon ____Camper Top ____Air Horns____Mud Flaps ____Toothpick Holder ____Mud-Grip Tires____Raccoon Hide ____Big Dog ____Hunting RifleNumber of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck:_____BUMPER STICKERS:____Eat more Possum ____My other car is a piece of shit too____Honk if more...