Rifle Jokes / Recent Jokes

An executive with a new young wife and a yen for golf decided about December one year that he couldn't take it any longer. So he said to his wife one evening, "Honey, next Friday we're going to Hilton Head for the weekend. We'll get a condo on the golf course and I'm going to play golf all weekend." "That sounds fine," she purred. And, sure enough, next Saturday morning at 6 a. m., found him on the golf course, all alone. After playing two holes, he noticed a man carrying a golf bag walking toward him across a fairway. The exec. waited, and the other man arrived, saying, "Mind if I play along?" The exec. said, "Fine. Glad to have the company." All went well for a couple of holes, until each approached the sixth green. When the new fellow laid down his clubs, the cover came off one club. The exec. noticed, however, that it wasn't a club at all. It was a high powered rifle. "Whoa," he said. "That's a high powered rifle!" more...

This is a portion of a radio interview between a Female Broadcaster and a Military Man, who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, Sir, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
MILITARY MAN: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
MILITARY MAN: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
MILITARY MAN: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
MILITARY MAN: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
THE RADIO WENT SILENT.
INTERVIEW ENDED.

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.

He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after trying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a turtle.

The drunk wandered off into the crowd. An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another turtle.

Eventually the drunk rolled more...

1day a hunter was camping over the forest.The hunter got hungry like any other man.So he goes out to the woods and fines a bear he sees it and said "thats for dinner tonight.So he gets his rifle looks through the scope takes aim and shoots hit the on the ass.The bear looks back sees the hunter gets and walks over and picks him up and does in thie ass and it goes.The man is mad so he goes out trys to find the same bear and he does he takes out his rifle oncr again takes aim and shoots the bear again the bear looks back sees the hunter gets up walks over and does him in the ass again and runs away.The hunter by now is pissed off so he trys to find the same bear and so he does but he doesn't wanna eat the bear anymore but he wants to make it suffer so he once again looks through the scope takes aim and shoots he shoots at the bears ass again and again the bear looks back and walks over and picks him up and does him in the ass.The bear tells the hunter "you didn't come here to more...

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill". The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the clerk." I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house", the man replies. The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off." The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

A guy is hunting bear and spots one in some bushes and blasts away. He goes to investigate but sees no bear. Then something taps him on the shoulder and he turns to see the bear. The bear asks: "Don't you know this is not bear hunting season?"
The guy says "Yes, I know."
The bear takes his rifle and smashes it on a rock, then throws the guy across a tree trunk, pulls his pants down and does it to him. Then he tells the guy "Get out of here. I don't want to see you again."
The guy is incensed and hurries back to town and buys the biggest bear rifle he can find and goes back into the forest. Soon he spots the bear and empties the rifle. He looks for the bear but no body. Then the tap on the shoulder and the bear tells him: "I told you not to come back."
He smashes the new rifle, throws him on the ground and gives it to him again. Then he says: "This is the last time I'm warning you. Don't come back."
This time the guy more...

A businessman was attending a conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of golf. He was directed to a golf course in the nearby jungle. After a short journey, he arrived at the course and asked the pro if he could to play.

"Sure," said the Pro, " But what's your handicap?"

Not wanting to admit that he had an 18 handicap, he decided to cut it a bit. "Well, it's 16," said the businessman,"But what's the relevance since I'll be playing alone."

"No, it's very important for us to know," said the pro who then called a caddy. "Go out with this gentleman," said the Pro, "his handicap is 16." The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. The caddy picked up the businessman's bag and a large rifle; again the businessman was surprised but decided to ask no questions.

They arrived on the 1st hole, a par 4. "Please avoid more...