Roast Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why is a sofa like a roast chicken? Because theyre both full of stuffing!
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Q. Did you hear about how quick the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He's all right now.
Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.
Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.
Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.
Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.
Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.
Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. Why do chicken coops have two more...
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, bee-lines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. A butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8. 50. The next day the butcher opens the mail and finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 for legal consultation.
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to aneighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensedat the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liablefor the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how muchwas the roast?" "$7. 98." A few days later the butcher received acheck in the mail for $7. 98. Attached to it was an invoice that read:"Legal Consultation Service: $150."
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, bee-lines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8. 50 [attorneys don't carry cash -- it's too plebeian -- and the butcher hadn't brought the shop's credit card imprinter to the lawyer's office].
Several periods of time later -- it could be the next day but that would be unrealistic -- the butcher opens the mail and finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 for legal consultation.
Donald Trump: Friar`s Club Roast On October 15, 2004, shortly before his wedding to model Melania Knauss, Donald Trump was roasted at the Friar`s Club`s 100th anniversary bash in New York City. Regis Philbin led a panel of friends in razzing the Donald, among them comedian Susie Essman. "I know what Melania sees in you," she joked. "A billion dollars and high cholesterol!"