Roast Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q.) What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office? A.) They're hiring. Q.) What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A.) "Dam." Q.) How do crazy people go through the forest? A.) They take the psycho path. Q.) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the toilet too long? A.) Polaroids. Q.) What do the letters D. N. A. stand for? A.) National Dyslexia Association. Q.) What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A.) Nacho Cheese. Q.) What do you call Santa's helpers? A.) Subordinate Clauses. Q.) What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? A.) Quattro sinko. Q.) What do you get from a pampered cow? A.) Spoiled milk. Q.) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A.) Frostbite. Q.) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A.) A nervous wreck. Q.) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A.) Anyone can roast beef. Q.) Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A.) They all have phones. Q.) What kind of coffee more...

A gentile once wandered into a Jewish restaurant and ordered roast chicken.
The waiter said, "Take my advice and have the boiled beef today."
"No thank you. I want the roast chicken"
"Listen to me. The roast chicken is not for you. Have the boiled beef"
"What is this? Don't you suppose I know what I want? Bring me the roast chicken at once!" The diner was getting mad.
"I will not do that. I know better than you what you want."
"Look," said the diner striking the table a resounding blow, "get me the manager!"
The manager drawn by the noise, came bustling over. "What the hell is going on here?"
The waiter turned to him and said, "Listen. This guy didn't come here to eat. He came here to give me an arguement." From "Asimov Laughs Again", an absolutely wonderful book full of jokes and anecdotes from the Good Doctor.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck
Q: What's the difference between roast beef and peasoup?
A: Anyone can roast beef
Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers
Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the heck out of the dog
Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A: Sanka
Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The location of the dirt bag

What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef....

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8. 50 [attorneys don't carry cash -- it's too plebeian -- and the butcher hadn't brought the shop's credit card imprinter to the lawyer's office]. Several periods of time later -- it could be the next day but that would be unrealistic -- the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.