Roast Jokes / Recent Jokes

A gentile once wandered into a Jewish restaurant and ordered roast chicken.
The waiter said, "Take my advice and have the boiled beef today."
"No thank you. I want the roast chicken"
"Listen to me. The roast chicken is not for you. Have the boiled beef"
"What is this? Don't you suppose I know what I want? Bring me the roast chicken at once!" The diner was getting mad.
"I will not do that. I know better than you what you want."
"Look," said the diner striking the table a resounding blow, "get me the manager!"
The manager drawn by the noise, came bustling over. "What the hell is going on here?"
The waiter turned to him and said, "Listen. This guy didn't come here to eat. He came here to give me an arguement."
From "Asimov Laughs Again", an absolutely wonderful book full of jokes and anecdotes from the Good Doctor.

TRUE STORIES FROM THE BUTTERBALL Turkey Hotline, where people call to get advice how to cook a Turkey from the experts.
Thanksgiving Dinner on the run.
A woman called (their number) to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey.
To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed.
The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still running around outside."
Tofu turkey?
No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without turkey.
A restaurant owner in California wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu.
Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

(He wants some jokes and anecdotes. - DJ )
True story:
I used to work for T.I. in Houston. Once a young programmer fellow
from the Bedford, England came to do some consulting. He was a nice
enough guy, but very stiff and proper. On his last day before returning
to G.B., I took him to lunch at a Luby's Cafeteria. While waiting
in line, I told him that before he left Texas, he simply must try
some mepyew.
He said, "What?"
I said, "Mepyew. It is very popular. Everyone here eats it with lunch.
Sort of a Texas tradition. The woman in the serving line will ask you
if you want some."
I give a sly wink or two to various prospective diners who
were overhearing the conversation and looking quizzical.
He agreed to order some mepyew.
We approached the first station where the lady was selling jello
deserts and chilled salads.
"Mepyew?" she asked.
"Yes please," he more...

Q. What`s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

A. Anyone can roast beef.

Aaron Thetires (Air in the Tires)
Abe Rudder (Hey Brother)
Abbie Birthday (Happy Birthday)
Abel N. Willan (Able and Willing)
Achilles Punks (I'll Kill These Punks)
Adam Bomb (Atom Bomb)
Adam Meway (Out of My Way)
Adam Sapple (Adam's Apple)
Adolf Oliver Nippils (Ate Off All Of Her Nipples)
Al B. Zienya (I'll Be Seeing You)
Al DePantzeu (I'll De-Pants You)
Al Gore-Rythim (Algorithym)
Al Kaholic (Alcoholic)
Al Kaseltzer (Alkaseltzer)
Al Kickurass (I'll Kick Your Ass)
Al Killeu (I'll Kill You)
Al Luminum (Aluminum)
Al Nino (El Nino)
Al O'Moaney (Alimony)
Alpha Kenny Wun (I'll Fuck Anyone)
Alec Tricity (Electricity)
Alex Blaine Layder (I'll Explain Later)
Alf Abet (Alphabet)
Ali Gator (Ali Gator)
Allota Fagina (A lot of vagina)
Amanda B. Recandwithe (A Man to Be Reckoned With)
Amanda Lay (A Man To Lay)
Amanda Hugnkiss (A Man to Hug and Kiss)
Andy more...

What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Eveybody can roast beef.