Rock Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ancient History Explained...A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David. After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time.The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.They probably used the donkey to till the fields.The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools.The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea.The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people.A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker.When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from more...

three men were walking in the woods and they came across a rock, and under the rock was a snail. the snail saw the men and told them that if they help him out of the rock then he would grant them one wish each. so they got the snail out and he asked for their wishes. the white man asked for a dick made of steel, the chinese man asked for a dick made of wood, and the black man asked for a three mile long dick. the snail granted their wish and told them to come back the next day if they wanted to change. the next day the first 2 men came back and wanted their wishes changed because their dicks were hurting their girl friends. so the snail turned them back to normal and they left. the snail wondered about the black man so he went and found him and asked him if he liked his wish. the man said "i love it, watch this. you see black that girl way down there, waaaay down there, waaaaaaay down there?" the snail said yes. the black man said " ungh i got her"

Eddie Van Halen entered rehab to "work on" himself. He may miss Van Halen's induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and a planned reunion tour this summer.

"I know things look bad", said Eddie, "but you have to focus on the bright side - I still have most of my teeth."

Santa was visiting Chandigarh for the first time. He wanted to see the Rock Garden.
Unfortunately, he couldn`t find it, so he asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Rock Garden?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 46 bus. It`ll take you right there."
He thanked the officer and the officer drove off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, Santa is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Rock Garden, I said to wait here for the number 46 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
Santa replied, "Don`t worry, officer, it won`t be long now. The 43rd bus just went by!"

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy droppeda rock, another dropped a brick, and the last droppeda grenade. When they got back on the ground they were walkingdown the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she wascrying she said "A rock fell from the sky, landed on mycat and now my cat is dead." The men said they were verysorry to here that and walked away. The next house they came across a little further downthe road there was another woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they walk up to her and asked her whyshe was crying she said "A brick fell from the sky, land-ed on my dog, and now my dog is dead." The men said they were very sorry to hear that and walked away. The next house they came across a little furtherdown the road there was a man laughing his head off. Wondering what was so funny they went up to ask him. After they asked him he replied, "I bent over to get the news paper this more...

Chinese Torture A young man is wandering and lost in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door, he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "I`m lost," said the young man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old, and entered the house. During dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn`t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man`s warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night, he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet, so the old man wouldn`t hear. more...

"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!"

"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him."

The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."

The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours."