Rock Jokes / Recent Jokes

"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do."

"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him."

"When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."

"What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours."

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't more...

This man responded to an add in the paper to buy some realestate. The add read that it featured 20 acres of prime bottom land and since that's what he was interested in he hurried to look at it. Upon arriving the owner invited him to look at the run down house but he declined saying it was really the land he was interested in. So the owner told him to walk around and take a good look. He did. And in doing so he came across an old hand dug well that he couldn't see the bottom of so he tosses a rock into it and listens for the splash. He waits and there is no splash. So he figures that it must have hit the side or something and he gets a slightly larger rock and drops that in, carefully holding it above the center of the well. He waits. Still no splash! So damnit he can't find a bigger rock but about 10 feet away he sees an old rusty transmission case and he drops that into the well and listens for the splash. Suddenly he hears galloping behind him and when he turns his head and glances more...

You know you've lost your status of "Cool" when:
You find yourself listening to talk radio.
You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
Your wife buys a flannel nighty and you find that sexy.
You think "Tragically Hip" is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining them.
You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
When jogging is something you do to your memory.
Rocking all night means dozing off in your rocking chair. Sex becomes "all that more...

Two hunters are walking through the woods. One hunter falls down, hits his head on a rock and gets knocked out. The other hunter freaks and gets out his cell phone and calls 911. When the operator picks up, the hunter says "Help! My buddy fell down and hit his head on a rock. He's not moving! I think he's dead!" The operator says, "Okay, but before we send someone out, you have to make sure he's dead first."
The hunter says okay and puts down the phone. The operator hears a gun shot. The hunter picks up the phone and says, "Okay, I made sure he's dead, now what?"

Ancient History Explained...
A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:
A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David.
After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time.
The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.
They probably used the donkey to till the fields.
The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools.
The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea.
The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people.
A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker.
When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were more...

A man and his friend are out camping and the first one needs to go to the bathroom and they have no toliet paper so he asks his friend what to do. His friend says just wipe it with your hand and smack it on a rock. So the man does so and smacks his hand on a rock and it hurts him really bad, so to reduce the pain he sucks on his hand.