Rock Jokes / Recent Jokes

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.
DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town... or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.
NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me).
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...
PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).
PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.
SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

Once there was this hunter, out in the forest, hunting bears.

As the hunter approached a clearing in the forest, he saw a bear. One of the biggest bears he'd ever seen. So he crouches down behind a largish rock, takes careful aim with his shotgun, and fires. After the smoke clears, he runs down to the clearing, and the bear's body is gone!

He searches the clearing, but to no avail. Then there's a tap-tap-tap on his shoulder. The hunter looks around, and it's the bear! "You just tried to kill me, didn't you?". Says the bear."Uh, no. No I didn't". The hunter, taken aback by a talking bear, lies."Yes you did. Don't lie, or I'll rip your arms off" "Uh, yeah, yeah I did." "Alright", says, the bear, "I'll let you go if you do one thing for me." "What's that?", inquires the hunter. "Give me a head-job." "What??" "On your knees" So, the hunter obliges, and leaves the more...

A Rock Hill, S.C., woman called police and asked them to arrest her son who opened a Christmas present early after being told not to, the Rock Hill Herald reported. Police went to the house and arrested the boy and charged him with petty larceny.

Mom better sleep with one eye open.

Once upon a time a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman were captured by the Red Indians on a prospecting trip in North America. They been tied up against their respective totem poles for a day when the Chief walked up to the Englishman, pinched the skin of his upper arm and said, "Hmmm, heap good skin, nice and thick. Will make heap good canoe. You have a last request?" "That case of gin I had when your boys caught me. I'd like that", says the Englishman. He's provided with his gin and is taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Englishman drinks two bottles of gin. In the morning the Indians dispatch him, skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a couple of days when it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Scotsman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap good skin, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request? "Ah'll huv ma whisky back", says the Scotsman. more...

“I Am Ashamed Of You” The Mother Said, “Fighting With Your Best Friend Is A Terrible Thing To Do! ”
“He Threw A Rock At Me! ” The Boy Said. “So I Threw One At Him. ”
The Mother Stated, “When He Threw A Rock At You, You Should Have Come To Me. ”
The Boy Quickly Replied, “What Good Would That Has Done? My Aim Is Much Better Than Yours. ”

Jimmy's wife constantly nags him to teach her to play golf. Finally, one morning he relents and he takes her to the club. On the first hole a 179 yards par-3, he up first and says, "Now watch me, and do the same thing." He hits a nice shot and lands on the green 30 feet to the cup. His wife steps up, drills it, hooks it, and bounces it off a rock, clips a tree, side swipes a second rock and rolls up onto the green and sinks it. The husband looks at her in shock and says, "OK, now you know how to play, let's go home."

Theres these three guys in a plane. One holding a stick, one holding a rock, and another holding a bomb. Suddenly the plane started falling and the stick, the rock, and the bomb fell out the open door. When the plane reached the ground, the three guys started walking down the street to find a hospital. On the way, they see a little boy crying. They asked what was wrong, and the boy replied 'i was looking at the clouds, and a stick came down and poked me in the eye. They walked down further and saw a girl crying. When they asked what happened she said " I was walking down the path, and a rock came down and hit my head. They walked even further and saw an old man laughing. They him why he was laughing and the man replied. When i farted, the house behind me exploded!