Rock Jokes / Recent Jokes

Years of Bad Sex
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch. Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife stopped, grabbed her cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit her husband across the shins.
His eyes watered and tears ran down his cheeks. When he finally caught his breath he gasped and asked, "What'd you do that for?""
"That's for fifty years of bad sex," she said.
He nodded his head, but said nothing. Slowly they began to rock again. Again they kept pace. Back and forth, back and forth they rocked, until suddenly the man stopped, and picked up his cane. He reached over and with a loud, sharp WHACK, he hit his wife across the shins.
As soon as her eyes quit watering and she could speak she asked, "What was that for?"
That," said her husband as he more...

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.It's illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas. Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw" Oral sex is considered to be sodomy. Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot. Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.At Arkansas State University two people cannot hold hands while standing in a doorway unless they belong to a union. In Arkansas it is illegal to buy or sell blue lightbulbs.An Arkansas legislator not long ago proposed that the state provide growth hormones to dwarfs. Fayetteville: It is illegal to kill "any living creature". Little Rock: Dogs more...

A man was traveling through the jungle for days growing tired he passes by a house and decides to ask if they could put him up for the night. After knocking on the door an old Chinese guy with a beard that reached the floor answers.

The man asked him if he could stay the night and the Chinese guy agreed as long as he didn't screw his granddaughter. Before the guy could agree the old man warned him that if he did he would perform the three greatest Chinese tortures on him.

The guy says o. k. and the man lets him in. When it was time for dinner the man meets the granddaughter and she is the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

So after he figured the old man was asleep he went into her room and made love to her. The next morning the man awoke with a 100lbs rock on his chest with a sign "first Chinese torture wake up with 100 pound rock on chest".

Being a strong man he thought nothing of it and picked up the rock and threw it out more...

Rank Group, PLC announced it will sell the Hard Rock Cafe chain to the Seminole tribe of Florida for E$725 million (US$965 million, BeaverPelt2.7 trillion).

Collectors are already lining up to order the latest T-shirt: Hard Rock Cafe - Little Big Horn

The new owners are expected to add some new menu items while still keeping the chain restaurant feel. New menu items include Cherry-kee Cheesecake, Last of the Mochaccinos and Custard's Last Flan.


The tribe doesn't plan any major changes to the restaurants but has said they will no longer accept walk-in business. You need to have a reservation.

There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and had to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. So he explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock. But he was never ever, ever to touch its fur. So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, "Why can't I touch its fur? " as their didnt seem to be anything wrong with it. Every day he came in and looked for a little while longer as he still couldnt understand until, about a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur. Suddenly the gorilla went ape shit and started to jump around, then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through more...

There was a man that was stranded, standing on nothing but a rock in the middle of the sea, waiting for someone to come. Then along comes a boat.The man on the boat asks 'do you want any help?' Man on the rock replies 'no- the Lord will save me'-so then the man on the boat went away. A helicopter then came and asked him 'do you want any help?' The man replied 'no - the Lord will save me!' Then along comes another man on a boat and asks 'do you want any help?' and he said 'no-the Lord will save me'.By this stage he was up to his neck in water. He then drowned. He was at the holy gates and asked St. Peter 'why didn't the Lord save me???' St.Peter said' he sent you 2 boats a helicpter-what more do you want!?'

There was a man walking through the forest in China. He came up on a old house he rang the door bell and an old man answered. The man told him that he was out lost in the jungle for 3 days and couldnt find away out of the forest, and he asked if he could stay there for a while.The old man argreed that he could if he didn't sleep with his grand daughter, because if he did there would be 3 of the worst chinese tortures inflicted upon him.So the old man took him upstairs to his room, but on the way the man caught a glimpse of the grand daughter naked and, with sure strive he made it to his room on the 2nd floor. About an hour later the grand daughter came in butt naked and they ended up sleeping together.When he woke the next mourning he found a rock on his chest under it was a card it read 1ST Chinese torture rock on chest. So the man picked up the rock and threw it out the window. Under the card he found another card which read 2nd Chinese torture left nutt tied to rock.So the man more...