Rocking Jokes / Recent Jokes
This little old lady was sitting on her front porch in her rocking chair reflecting on her long life when a fairy godmother approached her to grant her three wishes. "What would you like for your first wish, she said."The little old lady said "I guess I'm like everyone else, and would like to be rich." POOF-her rocking chair turned into solid gold. "And, for your second wish?" She asked."Well, again, like everyone else, I wish I were young and beautiful." POOF-she was turned into a beautiful young woman. As she was trying to come up with her third wish, her cat walked across the porch in front of her. "Ooh-can you turn him into a handsome prince?" POOF-before her eyes was the most handsome young man she had ever seen. She was sitting there all smitten-he smiled at her with a smile that made her knees week. He slowly approached
her and whispered in her ear. "I'll bet you're really pissed off that you had me neutered."
You know you've lost your status of "Cool" when:
You find yourself listening to talk radio.
You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
Your wife buys a flannel nighty and you find that sexy.
You think "Tragically Hip" is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining them.
You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
When jogging is something you do to your memory.
Rocking all night means dozing off in your rocking chair. Sex becomes "all that more...
Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad sex. Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa.
Pa said what was that for? Ma said for knowing the difference
Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about.
The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell' LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion."
Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband' Seven-UP'".
"Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband' Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals.
"Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" more...
Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening. The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting. For $5. 00 I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."
The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
The old lady still says nothing but after a couple minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.
"Get serious", she replies. "Four times in the rocking chair."
An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.'' *** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.'' *** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.''Your third wish?'' asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. ''Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?'' she asks. *** POOF *** There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ''Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.''
Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about.
The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell 'LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion."
Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband 'Seven-UP'".
"Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband 'Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals.
"Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady.
The more...