Roll Jokes / Recent Jokes

TO: All Employees
From: Management
Re: Restroom Policy
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective Feb. 25, 1995 a Restroom Policy will be established to provide a consistant method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.
Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip Credit of 20 points. RTC can be accumulated from month to month.
Shortly, the entrances to all the restrooms will begin being equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition. During the next two (2) weeks, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) management by Feb. 10,1995. The voice print recognition stations will be operational, but not restrictive, for the month of Feb. Employees more...

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not wake Mommy up with my cold, wet nose on her bottom. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do more...

TO: All EmployeesFrom: ManagementRe: Restroom PolicyIn the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective Feb. 25, 1995 a Restroom Policy will be established to provide a consistant method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip Credit of 20 points. RTC can be accumulated from month to month.Shortly, the entrances to all the restrooms will begin being equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition. During the next two (2) weeks, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) management by Feb. 10,1995. The voice print recognition stations will be operational, but not restrictive, for the month of Feb. Employees should aquaint themselves more...

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in
the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not wake Mommy up with my cold, wet nose on her bottom.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's more...

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.I will not throw up in the car. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not wake Mommy up with my cold, wet nose on her bottom. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time more...

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don`t mind, but I feel much luckier when I`m completely nude".

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at
each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but most men are gullible.

A blonde walks into a casino and goes up to the craps table. She tells the dealers she wants to bet $10 000 on a single roll of the dice. The dealers figure that since shes a blonde, she must not know what shes doing, so they allow her to place the bet.
Then the blonde starts to strip. The dealers ask her what shes doing and she replies, "I'm luckier when I'm naked. Hope ya don't mind."
So she rolls the dice and jumps up and down screaming, "I WON! I WON! YAY!"
She hugs the dealers and picks up her chips and clothes and jumps excitedly away.
While enjoying the view of the blonde jumping away, the second dealer leans over and whispers to the first dealer, "What'd she roll?"
The first dealer says, "What? I wasn't checking, I thought you were checking."