Ruled Jokes / Recent Jokes
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BILL CLINTON'S FRIEND??
The following is a list of dead people connected to Bill Clinton. Please
note the following breakdown of causes, and then think about the statistical possibility of their being random occurrences (especially the plane crashes):
1. James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an
apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key
witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
2. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a
Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she
was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.
3. Vince Foster - Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hillary
Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the
head, ruled a suicide.
4. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former Democratic National
Committee Chairman. Reported to have died more...
If Men Ruled the World
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse more...
If men ruled the world would be different
- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to 'I love you.'
- Hallmark would make 'Sorry, what was your name again?' cards.
- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during half-time.
- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the bum would pretty much do it.
- Birth control could come in ale or lager.
- The funniest guy in the office would get to be the big boss.
- 'Sorry I'm late, I got hammered last night,' would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
- It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
- Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the 'public ugliness' ordinance.
- Tanks would be far easier to rent.
- Instead of beer belly, you'd get 'beer biceps'.
- Instead of an expensive more...
If men ruled the world:
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse more...
If Men TRULY Ruled the World!...Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the behind and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history! The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".Tanks would be far easier to rent.Two words..."Ally McNaked".Birth control would come in ale or lager.Garbage would take itself out.The funniest guy in the office would get to be more...