Run Jokes / Recent Jokes

If Microsoft Ran The IRS “Government should be run like a business. ” We’ve all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody’s favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise).
- The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft’s example and actually ship them the following May.
- Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users’ group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements.
- In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country’s intellectual property.
- When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices.
- When you upgrade from form 1040 EZ to more...

Husband: “Shall we try a different position tonight? ”
Wife: “That’s a good idea…. you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. ”

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What have men and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

Why do bald guy’s have holes in their pockets?
So they can run their fingers through their hair.

What do men and diapers have in common?
They are always on your ass and full of shit.

I married Mister Right. I just didn’t know his first name was Always.

Losing a husband can be hard. In my case, it was damned near impossible.

Why do men call women birds?
Because more...

Confucius say....
* Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
* Man who run in front of car get tired.
* Man who run behind car get exhausted.
* Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
* Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
* Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
* Man with one chopstick go hungry.
* Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
* Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
* Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
* Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
* War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
* Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
* Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
* It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
* Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
* Man who stand on toilet is more...

Q: How do you get out of an elephant?
A: You run around, and run around, and run around ’till you get pooped out!

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"

Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.

"I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.

"Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?"

"In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".

"What if that had been more...

For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.
For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the third bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the fourth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the fifth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the sixth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Reinstall the software
Ask for a dump
Run with the debugger
Try to reproduce it
Ask them how they did it and
See if they can do it again.
For the seventh bug more...

This 82-year-old man married a 22-year-old woman and they decided that they wanted to have kids. So after trying for a while with no success, he went to see the urologist, pretty discouraged. The urologist said not to get discouraged and that they could run some tests." Take this specimen jar into the bathroom and leave me a specimen to test," the doctor said. The old man closed the door, and about an hour and a half later, still had not come out. The doctor came by and asked, "Are you alright?" "No" the old man said. "This just isn't going to work." he dejectedly explained. "There's no hope for me, I've worn out my left hand, I've worn out my right hand, I've run cold water over it, and I've run hot water over it. I've even thumped it on the edge of the sink. But no way can I get the top off this specimen jar!"