Runway Jokes

(From an article in the Globe & Mail, Jul 26, written by Bryan Johnson, in
Pakistan:)
First [he] tells of a pilot who spotted tracer bullets as he approached
a runway in Northern Pakistan. So the pilot swung around and approached
the runway from the other end only to find bullets winging by there too.
So he tried to land on a road and cracked up.
From whence came the bullets? Afghan rebels? Terrorists? No,
just "one hell of a wedding party." In the Peshawar region, wedding
guests can rent an AK-47 for a day for $2 or the use of a water buffalo.
With tragic results. In one case, "jubilant" cousins accidentally
"blasted away" the bridegroom's father. The wedding was postponed for 40
days of mourning, then again celebrated amid "ecstatic volleys of flying
lead."
In another wedding in the region, shots from a wedding severed
high tension electrical wires, the falling wires more...

Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I`ve never seen one that short!"

The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you`re right! That`s incredible! Are you sure we can make it?"

"Well we better, were almost out of fuel."

So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the
ragged edge of control. The pilot`s hands were sweating, the copilot was praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. "WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain."That runway was more...

This Flight instruction and her student were hold on the runway, awaiting clearance for take off from the tower, when suddenly, a deer darts out of the nearby wood, and stops right in the middle of the runway.
The student asks the instructor, what should he do? The Instruction replies, "What do you think you should?"
"Maybe I should taxi toward the deer?"
The instructor replies "Thats a good idea!"
Tower: "Cessna 100 clear for take-off" (taxis toward the deer, but the deer just stands there, holding postion)
The student repeats his question, and gets reply this time suggestion he contact the tower: "Tower, Cessna 100. There a deer here on the runway!"
Tower: "Roger 100, hold postion, Deer on Runway 50, cleared for immediate takeoff."
Two seconds later then deer takes off (back toward the woods).
Tower: "Cessna 100 cleared for take-off runway 50, caution wake tuburlece, departing deer!"

There was two irish men in a plane and they were going to land " come in roger we are ready for land over" and the first irish man said " hey fred its a bit short runway aint it?" The second man said "yeah jim but its bloomin wide to"

"Now, as we don't have enough parachutes for all of us..."
"Of course that's not a mountain in front...isn't it?"
"That's not meant to happen!"
"What dy'a mean were not meant to be going to Iraq?"
Things you don't want to see on an aeroplane:
Fire engines and ambulances surounding the runway when you come in to land.
Armed soldiers and tanks surrounding the runway when you come in to land.
The wing fall off.