Runway Jokes / Recent Jokes

Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at an
airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the
windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look
how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!"
The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That's
incredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, were
almost out of fuel."
So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to
put their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergency
landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to
just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the
ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the copilot
was praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST
before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking.
"WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the more...

Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at anairport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out thewindshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Lookhow short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!"The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That'sincredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, werealmost out of fuel."So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers toput their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergencylanding. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane tojust over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on theragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the copilotwas praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUSTbefore the edge of the runway, the tires smoking."WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain."That runway was SHORT!""Yeah!" said the more...

(Supposedly a true story - then again, aren't they all?)
This Certified Flight Instructor and his Student are holding on the runway for
departing cross traffic when suddenly a deer runs out of the nearby woods, stops
in the middle of the runway, and just stands there looking at them.
Tower: "Cessna XXX cleared for take-off."
Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
(Think-think-think.)
Std: "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
(Taxis toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.)
Tower: "Cessna XXX cleared for take-off, runway NN."
Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
(Think-think-think.)
Std: "Maybe I should tell the tower."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
Std: more...

Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.""There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane...""Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.""We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.""Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign more...

Andy, who was a new pilot, had just taken his first airplane up into the air for his inaugural flight. It was windy outside, but his hands were steady and the ride was smooth.

Since it was his first flight, it was a relatively short one. He was to land at the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport. His landings, however, have always given him problems. He pointed the nose of the jet down and heads for the runway.

He noticed that he is going to have to make a quick stop, because the runway seemed far to short. He touched down and slammed on the breaks. The plane came to a screeching halt. He wiped his forehead and said, "Man, this is a short runway!"

His copilot looks both ways and says, "Yeah, and it's really wide too!"

The Pilots One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end more...

A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield, and suddenly exclaimed to the co-pilot: "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!"

The co-pilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That's incredible! Are you sure we can make it?"
"Well we better, we're almost out of fuel."

So the captain got on the intercom, and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees, and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down, and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the co-pilot was praying.

They touched down, and came screeching to a halt just before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking.

"HEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. more...