Rush Jokes / Recent Jokes
A teacher was giving a lesson about the circulation of blood. Attempting to make the subject clearer, he said to his class, "Now students, if I were to stand on my head, as you know, the blood would rush into it and I would turn red in the face."
The students all nodded in agreement.
"Then why is it that when I am standing in an upright position, the blood doesn't rush into my feet?" asked the teacher.
A student at the back of the class yelled out, "Probably because your feet aren't empty!"
Rush Limbaugh and his driver are cruising down a country road one day in the limo. Suddenly, out of no where, a pig rushes in front of the car. The driver can't stop in time or swerve and he hits the pig, killing it instantly.
They see a farm house just ahead on the side of the road and assume that the pig belongs to the farmer who lives there. Rush says,' Pull up there and go in and tell them that you have run over their pig. Be careful that you don't get them upset. You know how they feel about their animals.'
The driver does as he is told, stopping in front of the farm house and going up to the door. He knocks on the door and is admitted inside.
Three hours later, the driver finally comes out with a smile and a wave to the farmer and his family. Rush says to the driver as he gets in,' What the hell happened to you? You've been gone for six hours!'
'Well,' the driver says,' I went in and told them. The farmer ushered me to a chair and more...
On the third day I was dust, ordinary common dust like you see on a country road in a dry spell, nothing expected of me, me expecting nothing neither.
On the sixth day he comes along and blows. "In my own image too", he says, like he was doing me a favor.
Sometimes I think if he'd waited a million years by then I'd been tired maybe being dust but after only two, three days, what can you expect? I wasn't used to being dust and he goes and makes me into Man.
He could see right away from the expression on my face I didn't like it so he's going to butter me up. He puts me in this garden only I don't butter.
He brings me all the animals I should give them names What do I know of names? "Call it something," he says, "anything you want," so I make names up lion, tiger, elephant, giraffe - crazy but that's what he wants.
I'm naming animals since 5 AM, in the evening I'm tired I go to bed early, in the morning I wake up, there she is sitting by more...
First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caw-go, or Cha-ca-ga, depending on if you live North or South of Roosevelt Rd.Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.
If you are in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.All directions start with, "I-94"... which has no beginning and no end.The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10.
The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and, if you happen to be on the south side, possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with more...