Sack Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is only a kind-of-lawyer joke, but I thought it should be included anyway. It is provided courtesy of Jim McNulty, a constable with the Strathclyde Police Force in Scotland:
I was recently at a CID Special services annual smoker where one of the speakers was a well known Indian lawyer. One of my colleagues told a great story in response to some of the lawyers speech: The lawyer is apparently a great fan of very hot curries, so after a trying day in court he heads home via the local takeaway where he orders his usual extra hot vindaloo. He gets it home and pours it onto a metal plate, being careful not to spill it on the table in case it burns a hole through it. He goes to the fridge for some beer and returns to find that his cat has eaten the entire curry meal.
Normally a peaceable person, he is incensed by this, and he grabs the unfortunate animal, which he throws into a sack, weighed down by various law books which he has never read anyway. He puts the sack more...

There is a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead who are being chased by the Police because they just robbed a bank. They see three potato sacks by the side of the road, so they hop in. The police, who are close behind, come down the street and see the three potato sacks, but no sign of the women. Sure enough, the Cheif Policeman has an idea. He kicks the first potato sack, the one that the redhead is in, and he hears, "Meow". So he said to the other cops, "Oh, its just a cat." He kicks the second sack, which the brunette is in, and he hears, "Woof woof", so he said to the other cops, "Oh, its just a dog." He kicks the third sack, and he hears, "Potato, potato".

It was de night jus right befo' Christmas an' all down de bayou, errytang was quiet; not even a nutria go pitty pat in de waduh. An' inside my house, me an' my wife was flat poop out from all dat Christmas preparatin, an' was jes' bout ready to retire for de night. Le petit garcon an' la petite fille, dat is our little boy an' our little girl, was already fas' asleep on dere moss mattress an' visions of de Fais Do Do dance tru dere heads, dem lil darlins. Dem long john was hung by de log burner wit care in hope dat St. Nicholas soon would brought hisself dere. .. Now dat de scene is set, Qu'est-ce qui se passe?
Well, out dere on de bayou dere arose such a clatter, I jump from my bed to see what was de matter. I run like de rabbit to got to de door, an' I trip on de dog an' fall on de floor. But, when I got dere finally, an' push away de sack an' peek tru de crack an' look in de far away, what you tought I saw! Well, you can tought youself again' cause you ain't goin' believe dis, more...

There once was Blonde, and Brunette, and a Red head. They were all running from the FBI. They ran and ran and ran. They saw this barn, they ran in. Then they saw 3 burlap sacks and hide in them. The FBI guys entered the barn, and seeing the sacks kicked the first one which the brunette was in. "Meow meow" says the bag.

"Oh its just some cats" says the man. He does to the next sack that the red head was in.

"Bark, Ruff!" comes from within the sack.

"Oh, its just a bunch of dogs!" he says.

Then he goes to the last sack that the blonde was in, and before he could kick, she said "Potatoes!"

There were three women that had just escaped from jail, one was a brunette, one was a red-head, and one was a blonde. They were running through the woods and the police and their dogs were chasing after them. The women ran into three empty potato sacks. They decided to hide.
A policeman found the sacks and decided to give the first one a kick. It meowed. "Aww, it's a sack full of kittens," he said. He kicked the second bag and it barked. "Aww, it's a sack full of puppies," he said. He kicked the third one and it didn't do anything. He kicked it again and it didn't do anything. He was about to kick it again when the blonde popped out of it and said, "I can't act like potatoes if you keep kicking me, duh!"

A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack. The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?" The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack." The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?" The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of' em!"

One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, ''I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight.''
The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.
''Well I'll tell you,'' replied the man, ''If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack I'll give them both to you.''