Sam Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was walking down the street and noticed a sign reading: "Hans Schmidt's Chinese Laundry." Being of a curious nature, he entered and was greeted by an obviously Oriental man who identified himself as Hans Schmidt.
"How come you have a name like that?" inquired the stranger.
The Oriental explained in very broken English that when he landed in America he was standing in the immigration line behind a German.
When asked his name, the German replied, "Hans Schmidt." When the immigration official asked the Oriental his name, he replied, "SAM TING."
Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck. "Where's George?" one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone." He's about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left him there' cause I figured ain't nobody' bout to steal him."
Two elderly gentlemen, Sam and Harry, were having breakfast. Sam said to Harry,"Harry, why do you have a suppository in your ear?"Harry took the suppository out, looked it over and said, "Sam, Im really gladyou saw this thing, now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
BOY: May I hold your hand?
GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me...
GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY: Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.
GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY: Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY: I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: Oh yeah? How soon??
BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL: Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
WOMAN: You remind me of the sea.
MAN: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
WOMAN: NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE: You tell a man something; it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND: You more...
Sam, from the garment center in New York, went to Miami Beach for a winter vacation. While walking down Collins Avenue, he was approached by a luscious blonde, who whispered into his ear, "I'm selling - are you buying?" Sam said, "Sure, I'm buying." So they went to a hotel room and made love all night. 0 A week or so later, when Sam went back to New York, he came down with syphilis. After weeks and weeks of painful treatment, Sam was released by the hospital. As he was walking along Fifth Avenue, the same blonde came over to him and whispered, "I'm selling, mister - are you buying?" Sam looked her straight in the eye and asked, "So what are you selling now, cancer?"
Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gatheredaround him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room. Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "That's it, one last timebefore I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver." Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, it's for after."
Theater Guest A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned." Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "... the balcony."