Sam Jokes / Recent Jokes
Nowhere, VermontSam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month. After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch... your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday... thought you'd like to come." "Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me." As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them." Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. more...
An old man was a witness in a burglary case.
The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary? ”
“Yes, ” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods. ”
The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my
client commit this crime? ”
“Yes, ” says Sam, “I saw him do it. ”
Then the lawyer asks Sam, “Sam, listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight is probably bad. Just how far can you see at night? ”
Sam says, “I can see the moon, how far is that? ”
This guy is walking through Chinatown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry"." Hans Olaffsen?", he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?". So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner.. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?". The old man answers "Is name of owner." The visitor asks "Well, who in the heck is the owner?". "I am he", answers the old man. "You? How in the heck did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" The old man replies, "Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go more...
BOY: Since we met, I can't eat or drink... GIRL: Why not? ? BOY: I'm broke. BOY: May I hold your hand?? GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy. GIRL: Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night?? BOY: What time was it?? GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY: You love me... GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?? BOY: Sure, what's your phone number?? GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.. BOY: Don't you ever want to improve?? BOY: I love you and I could die for you! GIRL: How soon?? SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss?? TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth. Man: You remind me of the sea. Woman: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting? Man: NO, because you make me sick. Wife: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Husband: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter? more...
A friend of ours sat down next to another passenger on a train recently and couldn't help overhearing his conversation out the window with a man standing on the station platform.
"Thanks for putting me up while I was here, Sam," said the passenger.
"Glad to do it," said the other man.
"Thanks for the food and the drinks-everything was wonderful."
"It was a pleasure," said the man.
"And thank your wife, Sam-she was great," said the passenger, as the train began pulling out. "I really enjoyed sleeping with her."
Our friend was rather taken aback by this exchange and he turned to his fellow passenger and said: "Pardon me sir, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. Did I understand you to say that you enjoyed sleeping with your friend's wife?"
"Well," said the fellow passenger, "I didn't realty enjoy it. But Sam is a hell of a nice guy."
1) 3 wishes
Bob and Sam (both were 15) waiting for their school bus in the morning were chatting when Bob said "Last night i was in my bed when a ghost came into my room and told me i had 3 wishes." Sam in disbelief said what did you wish for." Then Bob said " Last night i screwed your mom your girlfriend and your sister."
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2) one for the ladies
MEN ARE ALWAYS WHINING ABOUT HOW WOMEN ARE SUFFOCATING THEM. PERSONALLY I THINK IF YOU CANE HEAR THE WHINING YOURE NOT PRESSING ON THE PILLOW HARD ENOUGH.
1) Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have? 2) My father is so old that when he was in
school, history was called current affairs. 3) Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love. 4) Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don`t have to, my mom is a good cook. 5). Manager: Sorry, but i can`t give u a job. I don`t need much help.
Job Applicant: That`s all right. In fact I`m just the right person in this case. You see, I won`t be of much help anyway!! 6). Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it. 7). Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother`s. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it`s the same dog! 8). Diner: I can`t eat such a rotten chicken. Call the more...