Sam Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sam arrived home from work early one afternoon only to surprise his wife busily engaged with a midget in bed. After chasing the rogue away, Sam liberally expressed his dismay to his wayward spouse. "I just don't know what to do with you!" he said, shaking his head. We've talked about this over and over. We've spent hours with the marriage counselor. I was really starting to believe that I could trust you again." "I know, I know..." acknowledged the wife contritely. "But at least I'm cutting back!"

A hillbilly farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store.
"Heya, Wilbur," said Sam, the store owner. "tell me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up there by rubbing stones and flint together?"
"You betcha, Sam. Ain't no' tother way. Why?"
"Got something to show you. Something to make fire. It's called a' match'."
"'Match'? Never heard of it."
"Watch this. If you want a fire you just do this," Sam says, taking a match and striking it on his pants."
"Huh. Well, that's something, but that ain't for me, Sam."
"Well, why not?"
"I can't be walking twelve miles every time I want a fire and borrow your pants."

Teacher: What Is The Outer Portion Of Tree Called?
Sam: Dont Know
Teacher: Sam Bark
Sam: Bow!! Bow!!!

Picasso's mistress was losing her eyesight so he took her to an opthomologist in Paris. Upon examination, the doctor reported that nothing could be done and she would soon become blind. Picasso then sought out the best eye doctor in all of France, but got the same prognosis. He even took her to the best doctor in all of Europe, to no avail. He then decided to take her for a trip around the world so that she could see the sights before totally losing eyesight. They were in San Francisco when they saw a sign reading "Sam Smith-Eye Doctor, Free Consultation". Picasso figured that it couldn't do any harm to try this doctor as she was going to be blind anyway. After a thorough examination, Dr. Smith reported that when he did an operation in cases like hers that it would cure her. Picasso agreed to have the operation performed. After the operation and a few weeks of recovery, the doctor removed the bandages, and what do you know, she could see 20/20. Picasso was overjoyed and more...

There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, andyoung George was pretty excited."Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George."George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined upat the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a niceorderly fashion." said Sam."Okay, I can do that." George answered. Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Samsaid and George was all excited to go down there, but Sam had a few moreinstructions."Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end andyou can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle" said Sam."OK, OK, let's go!" said George."Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These gals willlet us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?"said Sam."Sure" more...

Nowhere, Vermont

Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.

After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch... your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday... thought you'd like to come."

"Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."

As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of more...

Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands inback. Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last nightand had the best meal ever. Good prices too." Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of therestaurant?" Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What'sthe name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?" Sam says, "How about rose?" "Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife. "Rose. Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at lastnight?"