Sam Jokes / Recent Jokes

A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. "Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?" "Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."

Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck. "Wheres George?" one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone."Hes about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left him there cause I figured aint nobody bout to steal him."

1) Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?
2) My father is so old that when he was in
school, history was called current affairs.
3) Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
4) Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don`t have to, my mom is a good cook.
5). Manager: Sorry, but i can`t give u a job. I don`t need much help.
Job Applicant: That`s all right. In fact I`m just the right person in this case. You see, I won`t be of much help anyway!!
6). Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
7). Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother`s. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it`s the same dog!
8). Diner: I can`t eat such a rotten more...

A man passed away and went to Heaven. Upon arriving at the pearly gates, St. Peter said,' Come on in. I'll show you >around. I really think you'll like it here.' Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how Heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter,' what's the deal with all the clocks?' St. Peter replied,' they keep track of everybody on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time someone tells a lie, his clock moves forward one minute. For instance,this clock belongs to Sam, a used car salesman. If you watch it closely,it will move any second.' Click! The minute hand on Sam's clock moved forward one minute. Click! It moved forward another minute.' Sam must be closing on a deal right now,' said St. Peter.' The minute hand on his clock moves all day long.'

The man and St. Peter continued walking and soon came across a clock covered with more...

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that`s three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I`m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it`s about 15, 000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- more...

Sam and Abe, now in their eighties, first met in grade school. Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes and making bets.

One day Sam calls Abe and says "I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars."

Abe replies "How can that be? If you know anything about biology you....

Sam interrupts "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard... A thousand dollars... YES OR NO?"

Abe says, "OK OK I'll take that bet. How long is yours soft?"

Sam answers "Eleven years"

The Holiday Nightmare
(to the tune of "Santa Claus is comming to town.) You better give up
On Christmas this year--
You haven't a chance
With relatives here--
Sam and Roz are coming to town.
They're bringing thier kids
To add to your fun--
They're staying ten days;
You thought it was one--
Sam and Roz are coming to town.
They'll monopolize your bathroom;
They'll destroy your sol-i-tude;
They will eat you out of house and
home,
Then complain about the food.
They're only one way
To save your No-el--
You give' em your house;
You take a hotel--
Sam and Roz are comming to town.