Sandwich Jokes / Recent Jokes
I went to the park today. I sat on a bench. I reflected. All this while eating a turkey and provolone sandwich. Wow, I can multi-task.
A squirrel came over to me and asked me for a bite. (Well, he didn't ask, but you know...) So I peeled a piece of cheese off my sandwich and tossed it to him.
At which point a peculiar homeless guy, seated a few feet away from me and eating his own sandwich, said, "Be careful giving them cheese. Constipates'em. Can't get their nuts out."
You learn wherever you go-you just have to be open to it.
Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U. S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many "Big Mac" hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany's leading institutes.
The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald's restaurant chain is increasingly being used by economists around the world as a measure of currencies' relative purchasing power.
The institute said that currency exchange rates are often unreliable as an instrument to measure purchasing power. At the same time, "baskets" of products used to arrive at comparative purchasing power are complicated to compile.
A simple alternative, now that McDonald's has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said.
"A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, more...
A fellow walks into a bar with a ten-inch, scowling man on his shoulder. He orders a drink. The little man jumps off the shoulder, drinks a third of the drink and climbs back up. The fellow then orders a sandwich. The little man likewise devours a third of the sandwich. After this goes on for two more drinks, the bartender says, "Hey buddy, I don't usually pry into customers' private affairs, but what the heck is it with that little guy?" The customer replies, "Well, I found a bottle on the beach. When I uncorked it, out popped a genie. He gave me one wish. I asked for a 10-inch prick, and the genie shrunk my lawyer!"
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots
the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager
shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
A English man, a french man and a newfie are all constructions workers.
One day at lunch time English man opens his lunch box and finds a peanut
butter sandwich and say "if my wife makes me one more peanut butter
sandwich, I'm gonna jump off this building and kill myself. The french
man opens up his lunch box and finds a tuna sandwich and says "if my wife
makes me one more tuna sandwich, I'm gonna jump off this building and kill
myself". Then the Newfie opens up his lunch box and finds and egg salad
sandwich and says"if my wife makes me one more egg salad sanwich, I'm gonna
jump off this building and kill myself.
Sure enough, the next day at lunch, they all get the same sandwiches and
plunge to their deaths.
A few days later, at the funerals, the english mans wife says "only if
he told me he didn't like peanut butter sandwiches" The french mans wife
says"only if he told me he didn't more...
More than 32 Million Americans Could Benefit
MIAMI, FL, March 31 -- Burger King Corporation today announced the launch of the new Left Handed WHOPPER, which will become available nationwide tomorrow. America's most preferred premium hamburger will feature the trademark build of lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, mayonnaise, ketchup and 4-ounce flame broiled hamburger patty, but the newly designed sandwich has been re-engineered to fit more comfortably in the left hand, thereby reducing condiment "spills" for left-handed hamburger lovers. It is estimated that more than 1. 4 million left-handed customers visit U. S. Burger King restaurants each day.
The new left-handed sandwich will have all condiments rotated 180 degrees, thereby redistributing the weight of the sandwich so that the bulk of the condiments will skew to the left, thereby reducing the amount of lettuce and other toppings from spilling out the right side of the burger.
"We have always been more...
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."