Sandwich Jokes / Recent Jokes
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.''
9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
8) Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''It's spreading, it's spreading.''
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon....''
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, more...
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was ahot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh! If I go down threeinches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes down threeinches I can eat him."There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes down threeinches... that fish will jump for the fly... and I will eat him."It also happened that a hunter was further up the bank of the lake, preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh!" he thought, "If that fly goesdown three inches... and that fish leaps for it... that bear will exposehimself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and then have a properlunch."You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but Ican tell you there was more.A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes downthree inches... and that more...
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts,' Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!'
The panda yells back at the bartender,' Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!'
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:' A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves'.
A panda enters a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, then pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As he stands up to go, the manager yells, "Hey! Where do you think you're going? You just shot my waiter and you haven't paid for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey, man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The manager opens the dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.
Grandma was always busy in her kitchen. She would be baking one kind of cookie or another. Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal Raisin, Molasses, Chocolate Chocolate Chip, she made all kinds. One time our family visited when she was making a batch of her Mini Vanilla Sandwich cookies. My brother and I would anxiously wait for them to come down the conveyor belt. We then snatched a handful of the warm cookies before they were shoveled into the cellophane bag and sealed shut by the huge machine. Nothing says love like warm Grandma's Mini Vanilla Sandwich cookies.
We all love to travel, and vampires, too, need their rest and relaxation. "What better place than Rome," thought Count Dracula, and he immediately packed his bags and set off for a week's visit. He caught the first plane out of Transylvania and headed for the Eternal City.
Tired and hungry after his long journey, he called room service as soon as he had arrived at his hotel room. Since nothing on the room service menu seemed appealing, he simply ordered a sandwich. Dracula quickly grabbed the waiter who delivered the sandwich, bit him hungrily on the neck, drank his blood completely, and tossed him out the window, where the bloodless waiter fell ten stories to land at the feet of an itinerant street singer.
The Count's hunger was great, however, and he decided he needed room service again. He ordered another sandwich and when it arrived, he immediately grabbed the room-service waiter, bit his neck, drank all his blood and tossed him out the window. The waiter more...
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didnt pay for your sandwich!"The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, Im a PANDA! Look it up!"The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."