Sandwich Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:
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Cheese Sandwich: $
1. 50
Chicken Sandwich: $
2. 50
Hand Job: $
10. 00
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Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
“Yes? ” she inquires with a knowing smile, “can I help you? ”
“I was wondering”, whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the hand jobs? ”
“Yes, ” she purrs, “I am. ”
The man replies “Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich! ”
THE abuse can be an art if it is spontaneous, cool and hits the mark fairly and squarely.
A lot of abuse has been traded between leaders of political parties and their traducers. Some of it is spontaneous but always angry and way off the mark.
, ^ Among some juicy insults is an exchange between the notorious John Wilkes and the Earl of Sandwich. Once Wilkes taunted the Earl,' I predict, Sir, that you will die by hanging or from some loathsome disease.'
Replied the Earl of Sandwich, "That depends, my dear Sir, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.'
Now, that is foul-mouthing with panache!
A Panda Bear walks into a café and orders a sandwich and a drink. After he is finished eating, the waiter comes over to bring him the check. When the waiter arrives at the table, he just starts to ask' Would you like any des...' Then the Panda Bear reaches into his fur, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. The Panda Bear then wipes off his chin with his napkin, gets up, and starts to walk out. Just as he is about to go through the door, the manager grabs him.' Wait a minute!' he yells,' You just killed my best waiter! Besides that, you didn't even pay for your sandwich!'
The Panda Bear grasps the manager by the throat, jacks him up, and growls,' Hey man! I'm a PANDA! Do you know what that means? Why don't you look it up!'
At this the Panda walks out the door and ambles down the street. The manager, shaken, returns to his office and consults a dictionary. He reads:
'panda - a large mammal of the Asian mountain forests related to raccoons and true more...
A man rolls over after an incredible night of sex and looks his wife in the eye. "How come after all this sex, I have to get up at 4 in the morning and take a piss, but you can always last until morning?"
She smiles and replies "Have you ever tried to open a toasted cheese sandwich...?"
There were 3 men working on the harbour bridge, all of a sudden the lunch signal rang, so they started to have their lunch. The 3 people were, Chinese, Irish, and an Australian. The Chinese person looked inside his sandwich and said, "Oh CRAP! If I get peanut butter sandwich again from my wife, I am going to jump off the bridge! " the Irish person looked in his sandwich and said, "Oh CRAP! If I get peanut butter and jelly sandwich from my wife again, I will jump off the bridge! " The Australian said, "Oh CRAP! Not Mortadella again, if I get this sandwich again I am going to jump off the bridge! " so the next day the Chinese person looks in his sandwich and says, "Phew, I've got a cheese sandwich! " so he eats it. The Irish person looks in his sandwich and says, "Phew, I've got a vegemite sandwich! " so he eats it. The Australian looked in his sandwich, and he jumped off the bridge. The Irish person said, "I don't understand, he more...
Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U. S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many "Big Mac" hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany`s leading institutes.
The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald`s restaurant chain is increasingly being used by economists around the world as a measure of currencies` relative purchasing power.
The institute said that currency exchange rates are often unreliable as an instrument to measure purchasing power. At the same time, "baskets" of products used to arrive at comparative purchasing power are complicated to compile.
A simple alternative, now that McDonald`s has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said.
"A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, more...
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."