Scientist Jokes / Recent Jokes

This joke is from the opening paragraph of Stephen Hawkings book,
"A Brief History of Time."
A well-known scientist (some say it was Bertrand Russell) once gave a
public lecture on astronomy. He described how the earth orbits around
the sun and how the sun, in turn, orbits around the center of a vast
collection of stars called our galaxy. At the end of the lecture, a
little old lady at the back of the room got up and said: "What you have
told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the
back of a giant tortoise."
The scientist gave a superior smile before replying, "What is the
tortoise standing on?"
"You're very clever, young man, very clever," said the old lady.
"But it's turtles all the way down!"

A famous scientist developed a formula to bring statues to life.
He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant.
After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.
The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"
The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going to kill about a million damn pigeons!"

A small group of scientists had spent an enlightening week on Mars, comparing life there with our own.
"Tell me," one Earth scientist asked his Martian counterpart, "just how do you reproduce the species here on this planet?"
"I shall be pleased to demonstrate," replied the leader of the Martian group, and he called forth a voluptuous Martian beauty with three heads. They then engaged their tentacles for a few moments, and almost at once a small pouch began to form on the female's back; it grew, and within little more than a minute, it opened up very much like a blooming flower and a small Martian dropped out, as fully developed as the adults, but much smaller, and began scampering about the room.
Once the Earth scientists had recovered from this unexpected experience, they attempted to explain how procreation differs in our world. The Martians insisted upon being shown, and after unsuccessful attempts to dissuade them, the chief scientist more...

Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? A: To win the no-bell prize.

Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: To win the no-bell prize.

A chemist, a mechanical engineer and a computer scientist are passing through a vast desert in a car when suddenly the engine breaks down.
"There must have been some sudden increase of enthalpy in the cylinder", the chemist says.
"Nonsense, the fan-belt has broken", the engineer replies.
After thinking a while the computer scientist suggests: "Let's get out and in again, that should do."

A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on a
photo-safari in Africa. They drive out on the savanna in their jeep, stop and
scout the horizon with their binoculars.
The biologist: "Look! There is a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle, a
white zebra! It is fantastic! There are white zebras! We will be famous!"
The statistician: "It is not significant. We only know there is one white
zebra."
The mathematician: "Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white
on one side."
The computer scientist: "Oh, no! A special case!"