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A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels nearby.
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100 what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80. 00 and the girls get $20. 00."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this IS a Union House."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100 what cut do the girls get?"
The girls get $80. 00 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!!!". So he handed the Madam $100, looked around the room and more...
The
boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted
with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to
talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your
Daddy home?" "Yes", whispered the small
voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered,
"No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the
boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes",
came the answer. "May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child
would be left home alone the boss decided he would
just leave a message with the person who should be
there watching over the child. "Is there any
one there besides more...
Chase is very pleased to announce that we are installing newDrive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cashwithout leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilisethis facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored tobest reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings. PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to the ATM2. Open the car window3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN4. Enter amount of cash required and press "enter"5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt6. Close window7. Drive awayPROCEDURE FOR FEMALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to the ATM2. Reverse back the required distance to align car with ATM3. Re-start stalled engine4. Open the car window5. Find handbag, empty all contents onto the passenger seat and locate card6. Turn radio down7. Attempt to insert card into ATM8. Open car door to allow easier access to ATM due to excessive distance between car and ATM9. Insert card10. Re-insert card the right way up11. Ignore the sound of car more...
A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they're curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom. They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object. After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge. After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole. The two tourists stand in amazement. About then a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat. The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well. "That couldn't be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroa d tie!"
A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they are curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom.
They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object.
After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge. After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole.
The two tourists stand in amazement. About then a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat.
The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well.
"That couldnt be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroad tie!"
* When you go to a Japanese restaurant, you start a “USA! USA! ” chant.
* When you girlfriend dumps you, you tell her she couldn’t “play with the big boys, ” and that she will never get past mid-card status.
* When you search and search the bible for the book of Austin.
* If you can actually remember Sting’s last public words.
* If on a job application, you state your residence as “parts unknown. ”
* If you quit your Job because you have to find your “Smile. ”
* When you’re getting beat up in a bar fight, but you honestly believe that with a little crowd support, you can turn this thing around.
* If you hit your co-worker in head with a chair while your manager is distracting him.
* When you look for Sting on the back of the milk carton during breakfast.
* When a guy steals your girl, you consider it an angle.
* When you rack your neighbor’s dog.
* When you attend a graduation, and yell “Ooooooh yeah! ” more...
Google will not search for Chuck Norris because it knows that you dont find Chuck Norris he find you