Sept Jokes

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. From the Echoes-Sentines [?], Somerset County, NJ, Sept. 17, 1987: GILLETTE RESIDENT IS ARRESTED AFTER SHOOTING HIS COMPUTERPASSAIC TWP. -- A Gillette man was arrested at his home last Thursday night after he fired eight bullets at his home computer, according to police. The man, Michael A. Case, 35, of 64 Summit Ave., was arrested shortly after 11 p. m., at his house, when police said they received a report that shots were fired. They arrived at the home to find a. 44 Magnum automatic handgun and a shot-up IBM personal computer with a Princeton Graphics System monitor. The monitor screen was blown out by the blasts and its inner workings were visible, Lt. Donald Van Tassel said on Monday. The computer, which had bullet holes in its hardware, was hit four times while four more bullet holes were found in various areas next to the computer, Van more...

Aquarius (Jan 23-Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23- Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23- May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a damned communist.

Gemini (May 23- June 22)
You are a quick and more...

Thats right! The fickle flinger of pigskin has been honored with his own flavor.
Capricious Caramel!..One bite and you find yourself non-comittal, unsure and vague.
Ben and Jerry say the new flavor will be stocking their stores sometime this Aug..or Sept..some of it in Aug., some of it in Sept..or maybe next year.

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.From the Echoes-Sentines [? ], Somerset County, NJ, Sept. 17, 1987:GILLETTE RESIDENT IS ARRESTED AFTER SHOOTING HIS COMPUTERPASSAIC TWP. - A Gillette man was arrested at his home last Thursday night after he fired eight bullets at his home computer, according to police.The man, Michael A. Case, 35, of 64 Summit Ave., was arrested shortly after 11 p.m., at his house, when police said they received a report that shots were fired. They arrived at the home to find a .44 Magnum automatic handgun and a shot-up IBM personal computer with a Princeton Graphics System monitor.The monitor screen was blown out by the blasts and its inner workings were visible, Lt. Donald Van Tassel said on Monday. The computer, which had bullet holes in its hardware, was hit four times while four more bullet holes were found in various areas next to the computer, Van Tassel more...

The Economy, Stupid
"We`re enjoying sluggish times, and not enjoying them very much." -George Bush Sr., in 1992
"A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness." -George W. Bush, in Sept. 2000
Mangled Metaphors
"Please don`t ask me to do that which I`ve just said I`m not going to do, because you`re burning up time. The meter is running through the sand on you, and I am now filibustering." -George Bush Sr., in 1989
"The senator has got to understand if he`s going to have - he can`t have it both ways. He can`t take the high horse and then claim the low road." -George W. Bush, in Feb. 2000
The Call of the Wild
"If you`re worried about caribou, take a look at the arguments that were used about the pipeline. They`d say the caribou would be extinct. You`ve got to shake them away with a stick. They`re all making love lying up against the pipeline and you got thousands of caribou up more...