Sexual Jokes / Recent Jokes
Question: What's the redneck motto for sexual maturity?
Answer: After eight it's too late.
Child advocates would remove the child from the custody of his mother when
they discovered she was shacking with a guy (not the child's father) in a
barn. In most jurisdictions that would constitute child neglect.
Of course, Mary would have an underpaid court appointed attorney to represent
her in the dependent-neglect proceeding, and Joseph would be out of luck once
it was determined that paternity could not be established within a reasonable
degree of medical certainty through blood or DNA testing(97% probability that
Joe was the dad is sufficient, but absent divine intervention, that couldn't
happen, hmmm?). He would be excluded from juvenile court as a stranger to the
proceeding and investigated for possible sexual deviance (all those oxen and
asses around), and he would be told that he had no standing to object since he
was not the natural father of the child and was not yet married to Mary (by
their own admissions more...
If your favorite color is: RED Tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is lighted, it may take hours to extinguish. When two Reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterley blush. Lovers of Red tend to be the aggressors and weaker colors should beware! YELLOW If you tend to favor Yellow your sexual drivers are complex and lean toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals is Yellow! No don't panic, not everyone who wears Yellow is gay. In most cases the person will acquiesce to the stronger partner's desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from someone you enjoy or admire. PURPLE Lovers of the color Purple frequently consider themselves too regal for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to muss their hair. Men are businesslike in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes, Purple more...
A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed. He asked her if she knew his company,Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes." Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse." The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?" "Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."
The drinker announced to the bartender, "It seems I've been informally named advisor on' Sexual Matters' at my company." "That sounds interesting. Does this mean you'll be counseling the big bosses on relations with their secretaries?" "I'm not sure yet," he answered. "During a staff meeting, I popped up to suggest a reduction in executive expense accounts and it was after that I was told if they ever wanted my fucking advice, they'd let me know."
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest diameter. By the way my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."