Shame Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: 1 U.S. leader
Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.
Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it - we're closed.
Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.
Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P.
Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough.
Q: Why more...
2004 SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR TAKING A DUMP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it.
We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those of you who hate pooping at work, here is the 2004 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an ESCAPEE, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an
ESCAPEE; it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel more...
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye,' tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other irishman said, "Aye,' tis a shame to see that the jews are fallin' victim to temptation."
Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity. . . one of the girls must be quite ill."
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"? A: There was an empty seat.Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A. From chasing parked ambulances.Q. Where can you find a good lawyer? A. In the cemetery.Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicycle.Q: Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.Q: What does a lawyer use for birth-control? A: His personality.Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? A: Stick his bill up his ass.
A burglar had been casing a particular house for some time. Finally, he saw the owners leave for what appeared to be an extended camping trip. That night he broke in through a basement window and was trying to find his way in the dark when he heard what seemed to him to be the voice of a very old woman saying, "Shame on you! I see you, and Jesus sees you!"
Startled, the burglar snarls back, "Shut up, Grandma, or you're gonna get hurt!" He shines his flashlight all around, but no Grandma.
Again the voice, "Shame on you! I see you, and Jesus sees you!" Finally, the beam of the flashlight finds a large cage and in it a pretty upset parrot. Relieved, the burglar turns back around and starts toward the stairs, only to spot an enormous slavering doberman waiting at the top.
Just then the parrot screams, "Sic' em, Jesus!"
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE). Definition: more...