Shaved Jokes / Recent Jokes

There once was a nice lady and she used to pick up bums off the street and bring them to her house. She let the bums shower and sleep at her house and she would even give them something to eat.
One day she brought a bum home. She let him shower and then told him at night he had to sleep in the closet and if the pants hung in his face not to pull them down.
Later that night, after the bum had fallen asleep he woke up with the pants hanging in his face. Disobeying the nice lady, he pulled them down. The next morning the lady was angry to find her pants were no longer hanging, but she gave the bum a second chance.
The following night, at dinner, the bum was instructed to sleep on the floor. He was warned not to bother the cat because the cat bit. He said, "fine." During the night the man was awakened by the cat attacking him, so he shaved it.
In the morning, the nice lady woke up to find her cat hairless. She was pissed. She told the bum to leave. But, he more...

"Doctor, My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don''t panic, I''m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet? "

"Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, “What’s the matter? ”
The fellow replies, “well I’ve got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and well… I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods. ”
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can do. “Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses? ”
The man stops crying and says, “that sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it?
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. “What’s the matter now? ” the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, “I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again! ”
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, “Why don’t you try shaving the mane, maybe more...

Why We Appreciate Men And How Our Bubbles Get Burst When He Ain't Prince Charming!! (and added comments)1. They've got that comfortable place on their shoulder that's perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep. (At least that's what his girlfriend/wife says - depending on which YOU are!)2. They're at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness. (The *names deleted* of the world.. . teehee!!)3. They're enthusiastic about our bodies, even when we're not. (Yeh, don'tcha love it when they say you look great.. . just don't get over 200 lbs!!)4. They're beyond enthusiastic about sex. (OK if they are discriminate.. . about who they are having it with!!)5. They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall. (And don't be shocked if it is their wife.. . " you helped me through a hard time in our marriage and now it's better than ever" OR.. . " yes, I confess, I DID have a fling (you!!), but let's not let that interfere with more...

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"
The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, more...

Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring.