Shelf Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute little bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is a bit surprised that a man would have such a collection of teddy bears, especially one so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him and is actually quite impressed that he can so freely express his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make hot steamy love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive man they are lying together in the afterglow, the woman leans into him and whispers "Well, how was it?"
The man says..
"Not bad, help yourself more...
Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you,
S. Berman----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Room 635,I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left more...
MAN DIES IN FREAK ACCIDENT CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. (Nov. 13) --
A 39-year-old Charlottesville Man died Thursday in a freak accident involving his washing machine.
According to police reports, Samuel Randolph Strickson was doing laundry when he tried to speed up the process. Strickson apparently tried to stuff approximately 50 pounds of laundry into his washing machine by climbing on top of the washer and attempting to force the clothing into the basin. Strickson then apparently accidentally kicked the washing machine's ON button. When the machine turned on, Strickson lost his balance and both feet went down into the machine, where they got stuck.
The machine started its cycle, and Strickson, unable to free himself, started thrashing around as the machine's agitator went into gear. Strickson's head banged against a nearby shelf in the laundry room, knocking over a bottle of bleach, which poured over Strickson's face, blinding him.
Forensic reports say more...
Once A Rich Man Tells A Doctor There Is A War Beetwen America And Japan I Dont Want To Fight For This War! Please Can You
Remove My Eyeballs Doctor: Yes I Can Remove Your Eyeballs. Man: Thank You. Then The Doctor Keeps The Eyeballs In A Shelf. Once A
Dog Cames To The Clinic And Breaks The Shelf And Removes 1 Eyeball Then The Doctor Sees 1 Eyeball Is Missing! Then He Makes A
Muddy Eyeball And Keeps It In The Shelf. A Few Maonths Later The Man Bees Back And Tells The Doctor Put My Eyeballs Back To
Me. He Puts Both The Eyeballs Back To Him. A Few Months Later The Man Sees Half Side Beard Is Growing Half Side Grass And
Flowers Are Growing.