Skills Jokes / Recent Jokes

Women think they already know everything, but wait... training courses are now available for women in the following subjects:
Silence, the final frontier: Where no woman has gone before.
The undiscovered side of banking: Making deposits.
Parties: Going without new outfits.
Man management: Minor household chores can wait till after the game.
Bathroom etiquette i: Men need space in the bathroom cabinet too.
Bathroom etiquette ii: His razor is his.
Communication skills i: Tears - the last resort, not the first.
Communication skills ii: Thinking before speaking.
Communication skills iii: Getting what you want without nagging.
Driving a car safely: A skill you can acquire.
Telephone skills: How to hang up.
Advanced parking: Backing into a space.
Water retention: Fact or fat.
Cooking i: Bringing back bacon, eggs and butter.
Cooking ii: Bran and tofu are not for human consumption.
Cooking iii: How not to inflict your diets on more...

Women think they already know everything, but wait... training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking (hahahahahahaha)
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and more...

Women think they already know everything, but wait... training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11.Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human more...

Women think they already know everything, butwait...training courses are now available for women on the following subjects: 1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human more...

Used by Employer:
"Competitive Salary"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"Casual Work Atmosphere"
We don't pay enough to expect you to dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys do wear earrings.
"Join Our Fast-Paced Team"
We have no time to train you.
"Career-Minded"
Female applicants must be childless (and must remain that way).
"Some Overtime Required"
Some every night and every weekend.
"Duties Will Vary"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"Must Have An Eye For Detail"
We have no quality assurance.
"Good Communication Skills"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
"Problem-Solving Skills A Must"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"Seeking Candidates With A Wide Variety Of Experience"
You'll be required to replace more...

OUTGOING PERSONALITY.................. Always going out of the office
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS............. Able to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS............. Spends lots of time on phone
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE...................... Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED.......... Made no major blunders yet
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY................ Too ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLY....................... Drinks a lot
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY............. Spouse drinks, too
INDEPENDENT WORKER.................... Nobody knows what he/she does
QUICK THINKING........................ Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER....................... Won't make a decision
AGGRESSIVE............................ Obnoxious
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS.......... Gets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL............. Speaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL........ A nit picker
HAS LEADERSHIP more...

"Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you.
"Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don''t pay enough to expect that you will dress up.
"Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night, some time each weekend.
"Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"Must have an Eye for Detail" - We have no quality control.
"Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" - You will need to replace three people who just left.
"Problem Solving Skills a Must" - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven''t heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on.
"Requires Team Leadership Skills" - You will have the more...