Sleeping Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might
happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved
about in the time management course you sent to me. "

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You
probably got here just in time."

7. "I wasn `t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission
statement and envisioning a new business strategy."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to
relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory
toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out
how to handle that big accounting problem."

3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these
keyboards when you put your ear down real close?"

2. "Who put decaf in the wrong more...

An annotated thermometer
60 Californians put on sweaters
(if they can find one in their wardrobe)
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
Wisconsinites plant gardens
40 You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
35 Italian cars don't start
32 Water freezes
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
Minnesotans put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
Minnesota ice cream sales peak
British cars don't start
25 Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
20 You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
15 French cars don't start
You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 Too cold to ski
Snow removal becomes political controversy in Chicago
You more...

Age 8: Looks at herself and sees; Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty Age 15: Looks at herself and sees; Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty/Movie Star, or if she is PMS-ing; sees pimples/ugly ("Mom I can't go to school like this!") Age 20: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but she decides she is going out anyway. Age 30: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it so she's going out anyway. Age 40: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" -but says, "At least, I'm clean" and goes out anyway. Age 50: Looks at herself and sees; "I am" - and goes wherever she wants to. Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore; goes out and conquers the world. Age 70: Looks at herself and sees more...

One day a man was sleeping and the neighbor's little girl entered his house, woke him up and said, "What is that between your legs?" He replied that is "my bird." He went back to sleep. She came back later and said, "What's that furry stuff around your bird?" He replied that's "my nest." So he went back to sleep. She came back later. "What's those two things under it?" He said those are "the eggs." She said, "Okay, can I play with your bird,and he said "ok." When he woke up later, he noticed that he was in the hospital. He saw the little girl and asked, "what happened?" She said, "When I was playing with your bird he spit in my eye so I chopped off his head, burnt down his nest and busted his eggs!"

Laloo & Rabri
went up the pabari
To fetch a bail of court-er
Laloo fell down
And lost his crown
And Rabri reigned ever after.

Wha Wha Black Sheep
Have you pulled the wool?
Yes sir, Yes sir,
Three bags full.
One for my fodder,
One for my dame,
And one for the CBI crying in the lanne.


Are you sleeping, Are you sleeping,
Gujral bhai? Gujral bhai?
Warning bells are ringing,
Warning bells are ringing,
Going going gone.

Hot cross gun,
Hot cross gun,
One a kine, two a kine,
Hot cross gun.
If you have no gangster,
Give it to your son,
One a kine, two a kine,
Hot cross gun.

Little Miss Bharti,
Did a Maha-arti,
So the BJP would always hold sway.
The came a big BSP With Mayavati its USP.
And fightened Miss Bharti away.


Little Lal Advani
Sat with his vabini
Taking his party's rai
He stuck more...

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk
12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"