Snail Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".The dealer asks, "Why' S'?"The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

The landlord of a pub, is just locking up, when there's a ring on the doorbell. He opens the door, and there's a snail sitting there.
"What do you want?"
asks the landlord.
The snail replies that he wants a drink."
Go away, we're closed, and we don't serve snails anyway".
The snail pleads and pleads with the barman to give it a drink, at which the landlord gets fed up, picks the snail up, throws it as far as he can, and then slams the door shut.
... Exactly one year later, he's locking up again, and there's a ring at the doorbell. The landlord opens the door, and looks down to see a snail sitting there.
"What do you want" says the landlord.
"What did you do that for" says the snail.

One day a man was sitting on his sofa at home when he heard a knock at the door. He got up to see who it was but when he opened the door no one was there. Just as he was about to sit down he heard the knock again but when he got there again, there was no one at the door.
He scratched his head, looked around for a second and looked down to see a tiny snail on the porch.
He picked up the snail, threw it into a field across the street and headed back inside to watch television again.
Three Years Later
The same man is sitting on his sofa watching TV and hears a knock at the door. He gets up and goes to see who's there and there is no one.
He looks around for a second and just as he is about to close the door, he looks down and sees the snail who looks back up and says "What the Hell was that all about!!?".

A bloke went to his mate's fancy dress party with nothing but a young woman on his back. "So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the host asked.

"I'm a snail." The bloke replied.

"What a load of crap!" the host spat. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that young woman on your back?"

"You've got it wrong, mate," the bloke replied. "That's Michelle".

This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little Ss painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"

Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee!!!!!

This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little S's painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"