Snail Jokes / Recent Jokes

A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."

A snail got mugged by two tortoises. When he went to the police, they questioned him as to what happened.
He said, "i don't know, it all happened so fast!"

A man went to his boss's costume party with nothing on but a naked woman on his back.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" the boss asked.
"I'm a snail," the man replied.
"What a load of crap!" his boss spat. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that naked woman on your back?"
"You've got it wrong," the man replied. "That's Michelle."

A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" the man shouted "NO why dont you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"

A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who cant help laughing and eventually says "Dont you know there arent any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."

A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says' Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says...' What did you do that for!'

What does the snail say when he gets on the turtle? "Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!"