Socket Jokes / Recent Jokes
P. Harris
Problem Probable Cause Remedy
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Does not work Power plug in hand Place plug in socket
and turn socket on
Not turned on Turned off Turn on.
Still does not work Bought it from Tandy Take it back and get
a real stereo.
Lights up but no No speakers Buy some speakers.
sound
Still no sound Volume set to zero Set volume to ten.
Too much sound Volume set to ten Set volume to three.
Raucous hiss Radio turned on and Turn radio off, place
no aerial record on deck, place
stylus on record.
Sounds too slow HMV 78 written on record Discard record, replace
with `Hells Bells' by
ACDC set volume to ten,
place stylus on record.
Can't hear anything Gone deaf turn stereo off and
or learn to say `eh?'
Don't more...
Here's an easy game to play. Here's an easy thing to say:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted' cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir:
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your more...
"For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters.
"There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues." "However, further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths...
"It seems that every Friday morning a cleaning lady would enter the ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go about her business. When she had finished her chores, she would plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear the screams and eventual death rattle over the whirring of her polisher".
"We are sorry, and have sent a strong more...
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. The good news is that he will never remember to plug it in, and it will run out of juice eventually. Think of his cordless drill collection equally as important to him as your shoe & purse collection.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Buying him a socket and ratchet set is kind of like you having multiple orgasms every time you see a picture of Leonardo Di Caprio Again.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men more...