Sparrow Jokes / Recent Jokes

A motorist was driving down the highway and all of a sudden he hit a sparrow. He pulled over, picked the poor sparrow who was still alive, but unconscious. He decided to take him home.
When the motorist got home, he put the sparrow in a cage, leaving him some bread and water inside. When the sparrow came to, he looked around and said: "Bars, bread, water... Oh my God!! I have killed the motorist!!!"

An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horseflykept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it. It was far out of reach. A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak." Oh, thank you!" said the elephant." My, pleasure ma'am." said the sparrow." Listen, Mr. Sparrow, if there's anything I can ever do for you, don'thesitate to ask." The sparrow said, "Well, all my life I wondered how it would feel to fuckan elephant." "Be my guest!", said the elephant. So the sparrow flew behind the elephant and started fucking. In the treesabove, a monkey in the tree saw this and became very excited. He started to masturbate, shaking a coconut loose and it fell from the tree, hitting the elephant on the head." OUCH!", said the elephant. Then sparrow looked over from behind and said, "Am I hurting you, dear?"

A blonde named Pam is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin.
Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500, 000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32, 000. Are you ready?"
Pam: "Yes."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it
A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."
Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."
Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"
Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a
Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..."
Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) more...

"Can you help me? asked Alice.
"No," said Negative.
"I`m looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked.
"No," said Negative.
She pointed the other way.
"Yes," said Positive.
Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference."
Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down.
Immediately, a large more...

St. Petersburg, Florida:
A Florida woman is offering to sell one of her kidneys to pay off a
hospital debt.
Ruth Sparrow ran an ad over the weekend in The St. Petersburg Times. It
read: "KIDNEY - Runs good. Taking offers."
Sparrow is serious. She owes $20,000 for gall bladder surgery, and wants
to pay it off.
She says both her kidneys work fine and she's willing to part with one to
settle her debt. She offered one directly to Bayfront Medical Center,
which turned it down.
The newspaper has stopped running the ad, since selling organs is illegal
in Florida.

A motorist was driving down the highway and all of a sudden he hit a sparrow. He pulled over, picked the poor sparrow who was still alive, but unconscious. He decided to take him home. When the motorist got home, he put the sparrow in a cage, leaving him some bread and water inside. When the sparrow came to, he looked around and said: "Bars, bread, water... Oh my God!! I have killed the motorist!!!"

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon after the weather turned cold, the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.

After a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on this little bird and the sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warn and happy the little sparrow began to sing.

Just then, a large Tom cat came by and hearing the chirping investigated the sounds. As Old Tom cleaned away the manure, he found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

There are three morals to this story:

1) Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2) Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.
3) If you are warm and happy, keep your mouth shut.