Specifications Jokes

Bidding - Additional Requirements
Section 1A - The Truth
The requirements of Division 01 and of those documents under bidding
requirements and conditions of the contract and anything else we don't
think looks good here is null and void. If you know what's good for
you, you'd read this real close (meaning the contractor).
1.1 The work we did is clearly showed in the attached plans and
specifications. Our engineer, whose had plenty of college, spent one
hell of a lot of time when he drawed up these here plans and
specifications, but nobody can think of everything.
Once your bid is in - that's it, brother. From then on, anything
wanted by our engineer, or any of his friends, or anybody else (except
the contractor) shall be considered as showed, specified or implied
and shall be provided by the contractor without no expense to nobody,
but himself (meaning the contractor).
1.2 If the work is did without no expense to the more...

Law #1: In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.Law #2: Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm.Law #3: In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables.Law #4: The best approximation of service conditions in the laboratory will not begin to meet those conditions encountered in actual service.Law #5: The most vital dimension on any plan drawing stands the most chance of being omitted.Law #6: If only one bid can be secured on any project, the price will be unreasonable.Law #7: If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent production units will malfunction.Law #8: All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0.Law #9: Major changes in construction will always be requested after fabrication is nearly complete.Law #10: Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.Law #11: Interchangeable parts won't.Law #12: Manufacturer's more...

Thirty years ago, when the Air Force needed a large cargo plane, it
put out a list of specifications that took up less than 8 pages.
Lockheed responded with a proposal 3/4" thick, which resulted in
a huge plane named the Hercules. In 1980, when the Air Force needed
a new cargo plane, it issued specifications that took up 2,750 pages.
Lockheed's proposal alone weighed 6,600 pounds. To deliver it, the
company used one of the old Hercules cargo planes.
- John Tierney, in Science 85