Squad Jokes / Recent Jokes

Henry Was Placed Against The Wall And Just Before The Order To Shoot Was Give He Yelled Out "Earthquake". The Firing Squad
Panicked. In The Confusion Henry Jumped Over The Wall And Escaped. Charlie Was Next And While The Squad Reassembled He Pondered
What Henry Had Done, Before They Could Shoot He Houted "Tornado". Again The Squad Scattered And Charlie Slipped Away To
Safety. Last In Line Was George. He Thought,"I See The Pattern Here. Just Scream Out A Disaster And Hop Over The Wall."As The
Firing Squad Raised Their Rifles And Took Aim, George Grinned Smugly And Yelled "Fire".

Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Mexican, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad.
They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole.
He points and shouts, "Tornado!"
They all look and the American runs away.
Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!"
They all hit the dust and the German escapes.
Next up is the Mexican. He looks around and shouts "Fire!"

The other day, we had a bomb scare here in Rio Rancho, NM, at the Giant gas station. Of course, the bomb squad had to be called out to investigate, which in turn brought the news crews. In the local paper the next day, there was a picture of a bomb squad member, wearing a shirt that read: "I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up!"

A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher were sentenced to death by firing squad.
The chemist was taken from his cell and as the soldiers took aim he shouted "Avalanche!" The soldiers panicked and in the confusion the chemist escaped.
The shopkeeper was led out next. As the soldiers took aim he shouted "Flood!" and escaped.
The teacher was then lead out. The squad took aim and the teacher, remenbering how the other two had escaped, shouted "Fire!"

Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to commit suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supplies him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications

He lands up in the enemy’s camp, called his boss: sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can i commit suicide now?

Leader: no, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.

Banta: sir now there are 25 soldiers, can i do it now?

Boss: wait for more.

Banta: sir, now i am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can i do it now?

Boss: yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don’t worry about your family, we will look after.

Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.

For long, India's colonial rulers divided the country's population by the numbers. And as current-day politicians continue with that unholy task, we present a shortcut to make their work easier. Here's distinguishing India's different cultures by the numbers:

MALAYALEES

One Malayalee is a narial-pani shop.
Two Malayalees is a boat race.
Three Malayalees is a Gulf job racket.
Four Malayalees is an oilslick.

TAMILIANS
One Tamilian is a fugitive sandalwood smuggler.
Two Tamilians is a suicide-bomb squad.
Three Tamilians is a classical music school.
Four Tamilians is a Jayalalitha fan club.

ANDHRAITES
One Andhraite is a cycle-rickshaw driver.
Two Andhraites is a spice shop.
Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites is the Telugu film industry.

BENGALIS
One Bengali is a rosagulla shop.
Two Bengalis is a black-and-white movie.
Three Bengalis is a Mohun more...

The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson's Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: "Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself." "By shooting?" reasked the company commander, "Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------When asked what he thought about the new squad radio, one Army sergeant told the man from the R&D agency: "This squad radio should be replaced with a good whistle."--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Little grandson asked: "Granddaddy, when you were in the Army and were posted as sentry at night, were you afraid?" "I was, grand sonny, but only until I fell asleep."