Stain Jokes

A FRIEND OF MINE HAS AN 18 YEAR OLD SON NAMED LEROY. HE ATTENDS OAKLAND HIGH SCHOOL WHERE THEY TEACH EBONICS AS A SECOND LANGUAGE. LAST WEEK HE WAS GIVEN AN EASY HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS PUT EACH OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS IN A SENTENCE. THIS IS WHAT LEROY DID.
1. RECTUM: I HAD TWO CADILLACS, BUT MY OL'LADY RECTUM BOTH.
2. HOTEL: I GAVE MY GIRLFRIEND DA CRABS AND THE HOTEL EVERYBODY.
3. ODYSSEY: I TOLD MY BRO, YOU ODYSSEY THE JUGS ON THIS HOE.
4. STAIN: MY MOTHER-IN-LAW AXED IF I WAS STAIN FOR DINNER AGAIN.
5. SELDOM: MY COUSIN GAVE ME TWO TICKETS TO THE KNICKS GAME, SO I SELDOM.
6. PENIS: I WENT TO DA DOCTOR AND HE HANDED ME A CUP AND SAID PENIS.
7. CATACOMB: DON KING WAS AT THE FIGHT THE OTHER NIGHT, MAN, SOMEBODY GIVE THAT CATACOMB.
8. FORCLOSE: IF I PAY ALIMONY THIS MONTH, I'LL HAVE NO MONEY FORCLOSE.
9. UNDERMINE: THERE IS A FINE LOOKIN' HOE LIVIN' IN THE APARTMENT UNDERMINE.
10. TRIPOLI: I WAS GONNA BUY MY OLD LADY A BRA BUT I more...

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always circle the stain in permanent pen so that, when you remove the garment from the washing machine, you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.

Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the first place, you fat b*stard.

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.

Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cake again.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an more...

A FRIEND OF MINE HAS AN 18 YEAR OLD SON NAMED LEROY. HE ATTENDS OAKLAND HIGH SCHOOL WHERE THEY TEACH EBONICS AS A SECOND LANGUAGE. LAST WEEK HE WAS GIVEN AN EASY HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS PUT EACH OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS IN A SENTENCE. THIS IS WHAT LEROY DID. 1. RECTUM: I HAD TWO CADILLACS, BUT MY OL'LADY RECTUM BOTH. 2. HOTEL: I GAVE MY GIRLFRIEND DA CRABS AND THE HOTEL EVERYBODY. 3. ODYSSEY: I TOLD MY BRO, YOU ODYSSEY THE JUGS ON THIS HOE. 4. STAIN: MY MOTHER-IN-LAW AXED IF I WAS STAIN FOR DINNER AGAIN. 5. SELDOM: MY COUSIN GAVE ME TWO TICKETS TO THE KNICKS GAME, SO I SELDOM. 6. PENIS: I WENT TO DA DOCTOR AND HE HANDED ME A CUP AND SAID PENIS. 7. CATACOMB: DON KING WAS AT THE FIGHT THE OTHER NIGHT, MAN, SOMEBODY GIVE THAT CATACOMB. 8. FORCLOSE: IF I PAY ALIMONY THIS MONTH, I'LL HAVE NO MONEY FORCLOSE. 9. UNDERMINE: THERE IS A FINE LOOKIN' HOE LIVIN' IN THE APARTMENT UNDERMINE. 10. TRIPOLI: I WAS GONNA BUY MY OLD LADY A BRA BUT I COULDN'T FINE NO TRIPOLI. 12. more...

1. If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the thing in the first place, you fat barstools.

4. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The morning after, you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

5. Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.

6. Don't buy expensive' ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip handful of frozen peas more...

Jhonny is 18 and in the 8th grade. Homework is hard for him.
One day, Jhonny got an easy homework assignment that required
him to put each of the following vocabulary words in a
sentence. Here's what he wrote, Ebonic style.
1. HOTEL - I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the' hotel' everybody.
2. RECTUM - I had two Caddilacs, but my ol'lady' rectum' both.
3. DISAPPOINTMENT - My parole officer tol'me if I mess' disappontment'
they gonna send me back to the big house.
4. FORECLOSE - If I pay ailmoney this month, I'll have no money
' foreclose'
5. CATACOMB - Don King was at the fight the other night, Man, somebody
give that' cata omb.'
6. ISRAEL - Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said Man, that looks
fake. He said No' israel.'
7. UNDERMINE - There's fine lookin' hoe livin' in the apartment
' undermine.'
8. TRIPOLI - I was gonna my ol'lady a bra, but I couldn't find' tripoli.'
9. STAIN - My mother-in-law more...