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CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe."
Your workday consists of coming in at 10, thinking up Top Five entries with 30 of your coworkers, then leaving at 4.
Dr. Kervorkian hired as "Transition Consultant."
Windows 95 shutdown screen reads, "It's Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."
Company softball team downsized to chess team.
Sudden proliferation of teen-age geek interns.
Your boss keeps asking you when he can "show your cubicle."
Company president now driving a Hyundai.
Annual company holiday bash moved from Sheraton banquet room to abandoned Fotomat booth.
Old Milwaukee is beer of choice at company picnics.
Guard at front desk nervously fingers his revolver whenever you pass by.
Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.
Babes in Marketing suddenly start flirting with dorky personnel manager.
Employee Discount Days discontinued at Ammo Attic.
Company dental more...
A monastery decided to start a fish and chips store. When the store opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer? Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!
Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of
sand, etc.)
Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the
door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or
Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in
big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say,
"It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut
the door.
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters
come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell,
"Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure
out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural
"whirring" sound.
After you give more...
Start asking her questions (don't mistakenly do anything) about cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Say, "I think it's time I learn to take care of myself. You know, just in case." Volunteer to cook for her. Make sure it's real greasy. Use every pot and pan in the house and be sure you spill and/or drop some of everything everywhere. While brushing your teeth, flick the toothbrush first at the sink and then at the mirror. Never ask her to get you something from the kitchen when she's in the kitchen. Let her spend a good 30 minutes in there and when she reaches the sofa with a sigh of relief say, "Will you PLEASE do me a big favor and get me a beer, my back is just killing me today. Be sure to load up all your pockets with tissues before you drop them in the clothes hamper. Leave yourself a trail of clothing, towels, dishes, and everything else you put your hands on. This will ensure you never lose your way. Wait until she's overwhelmed with work (Weekly Opportunity) lean in more...
Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following -Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
Here are a few examples of before and after you fall in love:
b- you take my breath away
a- i feel like I'm suffocating
b- twice a night
a- twice a month
b- she says she loves the way i take control of a situation
a- she called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac
b- Lucy and Ricky
a- Fred and Ethyl
b- Saturday night fever
a- Monday night football
b- he makes me feel like a million dollars
a - if i had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...
b- don't stop
a- don't start
b- the sound of music
a- the sounds of silence
b-is that all your having?
a- maybe you should have just a salad, honey
b- wheel of fortune
a- jeopardy
b- its like I'm living in a dream
a- its like he lives in a dorm
b- $60/doz.
a- $1.50/stem
b- turbo charged
a- jump start
b- we agree on everything
a- doesn't she have a mind of her own?
b- Victoria's secret
a- fruit of the loom
b- charming more...